Month: November 2014

The Power of Touch

I watched a few episodes of the show My Cat From Hell a couple of weeks ago. I was amazed (and a bit amused) by the behavior of the cats on the show. They hissed and scratched at every human that dared come near them. I couldn’t believe that the owners managed to coexist in the same household with these angry and aggressive cats for so long!

But while the knee jerk reaction was to blame the cat for being “evil” the real problem was the owners. They were cold and lacked understanding of what the cats needed. The suggested solution in many of these cases was to simply touch the cat and show him love. It worked 100% of the time. My own cats are very mild-mannered and loving toward me and guests because I pay them a lot of attention with touch and affirmation.

Love Energy
A simple touch from someone can be so powerful. It can be even more powerful than words, which sometimes don’t come out quite right at crucial moments.

When a person is grieving, a mere grip of the shoulder can mean so much. It gives them the release they need.

If someone you love is going through a trial or difficult situation, sometimes simply touching or holding his or her hand is the perfect reaction. It’s soothing and meaningful.

When a child is frustrated or confused, a hug can make all of her cares go away, if only for the moment. It’s a bonding moment. It’s like an exchange of love energy.

Sometimes all you need is to be present and near another person to be effective. For instance, if someone you love is laying in their bed depressed, just sit near them or with them for a while. No need to tell them anything, no need to judge them for how they feel or advise them on what they should do.

So if you’re having a strained relationship with someone or you don’t know how to help someone you know who is in need, try a loving touch instead of words from time to time. You may be pleasantly surprised at the results.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

 

This is one of the books that you want on your shelf if you are serious about self-development and personal growth.

The most useful advice I received from this book:

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

 

 

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

But It’s Just Not Fair! #LifeAdvice

From the time were young we’re taught this formula:

1+1=2

But in real life this formula doesn’t always ring true. In fact, life tends to throw out much more complex equations like:

(-3 ± sqrt(19))/2^ 2×2+6y÷4/z-5 = ???

You’ll frequently find people complaining about how unfair life is. Maybe you are one of these people (I know I definitely was).

“It’s not fair that I’m a good person and seem to have such bad luck.”

“It’s not fair that my friend with the bad attitude is married with kids and I’m not.”

“It’s not fair that I don’t have the job that I want.”

“It’s not fair that society values superficial things instead of what really matters.”

When we complain about what’s not fair about life, who exactly are we expecting to fix it? Some outside force? The government? A divine act from God? The scales of justice? Who do we want to come to the rescue? How can “they” put and keep things in balance?

The fact of the matter is that the world is the way that it is because of the individual people in it. We each have free will to make our own choices and make our realities. We are responsible for the condition of this world and everything in it.

There are things that we can change and things that we can’t change as individuals. As the prayer goes (The Serenity Prayer), we have to learn the difference between the two:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
– Reinhold Niebuhr

You are responsible for your corner of the world, so the focus shouldn’t always be on what others are doing or what others are getting away with that doesn’t seem fair to you — it should be on making your corner of the world more beautiful. Make life as wonderful and fulfilling for yourself and the people you love as you can, because that’s totally in your power.

We can literally drive ourselves crazy wondering why the world isn’t fair. And yea, sometimes the way things go just don’t seem fair, but when you meditate on that simple prayer “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” the answer seems clearer.

It’s not really our job to figure out why things aren’t always “fair” according to our own definition. It’s not our job to fix all of the imbalances in the world.

Our resources are best used when we focus on SELF-improvement first. In that, we develop the courage to change the things that we can. (And those things might just turn out to be larger than life.)

At least that’s my understanding of it.
Go be great.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

“Well-Behaved Women Rarely Make History” – What Does That Really Mean?

Marilyn Monroe is credited with popularizing the saying “well-behaved women rarely make history.”

Unfortunately, a lot of young women take this quote to mean that they should live recklessly, flaunt their sexuality, try to be “bad b*****s” and treat people with disrespect in order to be “famous” and unforgettable. That’s what the reality stars and celebrities of today are doing to stay relevant, after all.

But it’s just not true. This is just what our popular media would like young women to believe so that they will continue to consume, consume, consume. It’s a way of keeping the minds of young women clouded with these images so that they will do (or pay) whatever possible to live up to them.

The truth is that the majority of the people we see everyday in the media who have adopted this approach to being “unforgettable” WILL be forgotten. No one will talk about them 25, 50 or 100 years from now.

Let’s look at a few women who weren’t “well-behaved” according to society’s standards for women, yet held themselves to a high regard and still made history, never to be forgotten. 1,000+ years from now, they’ll still be a part of history.

Queen Elizabeth I

They called her the “Virgin Queen” because she refused to take on a husband to rule by her side as society deemed “appropriate.” She knew that if she got married, her husband would take over and she would probably be pushed to the side or even overthrown. During her rule, she led her troops to an important victory when the Spanish Armada threatened her shores. Queen Elizabeth ruled for many decades during what many call the “Elizabethan” era. To this day, many historians try to sully her name–I believe it’s because they refuse to believe a woman was able to reign alone without a man for so long. She is a great example of a woman who went against the status quo, made her own way in this world and will always be remembered in history.

Zora Neale Hurston

Zora Neale Hurston was and is one of the world’s most treasured woman writers in the history of the United States. She went to college at Howard University in D.C. She was one of the first initiates of Zeta Phi Beta sorority and joined Alaine Locke’s literary club. She studied anthropology at Barnard and Columbia University. After graduating she chose to travel the U.S. recording the stories of the interesting people she met. She took a record of African American history that few people understood at the time (and to this day) in her best-selling books Mules and Men and Their Eyes Were Watching God. Though her talent and treasures weren’t fully appreciated during her life, her legacy lives on to this day and will continue.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR) is one of the most well-known and liked presidents in the history of the United States next to Abe Lincoln. His wife, Eleanor Roosevelt took an equally prominent role in politics as the nation’s First Lady during that time. She was a champion for human rights, an outspoken voice for women at a time when women barely had the right to vote. She became known as “one of the most esteemed women in the world” and is also famous for her quote: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Harriet Tubman

When I first heard the story of Harriet Tubman, it was hard to believe. She escaped slavery, but instead of enjoying her freedom as most people of those days did, she decided to make 13 dangerous trips back to the place where she experienced so much pain to save others. Harriet was definitely a woman who wasn’t “well-behaved” but she will always be remembered for her heroism.

There are so many more amazing women who can be added to this list, but I believe this to be a good start. So whenever you hear that saying “well-behaved women rarely make history” please keep it in the proper perspective.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

How to Stop Complaining & Start Thriving

Do you complain too much? What do you complain about? Here’s a little tough love from Lynn

I used to be a major complainer. I would spend much of my time writing and sending complaint letters to companies who I felt wronged me. It didn’t matter if it was a fast food worker who didn’t get my order quite right or forgot to give me ketchup — I would probably take the time out to write a letter.

I was also a silent complainer. I held my pity parties all alone and in my head:

“No one is ever there for me.”

“No one cares about me.”

“I can’t trust anybody.”

Over time, I learned a hard lesson. In most cases, no one really gives a care about your complaints. They are focused on what is going on in their own worlds. Think about it — do you care much about the complaints of others? Or do you just find them annoying?

If you open your eyes and your mind, removing the tendency to complain about what’s going wrong in your world, you’ll probably see that you have some pretty great things going RIGHT.

You have privileges, talents and benefits that others don’t have, but if you spend all of your time focusing on the negative you’ll never get a chance to see them.

So here comes the tough love that you may find difficult to accept. Everything that you experience in this life as an adult is your own fault and you always have the option to “opt out” of experiencing negative consequences.

You don’t like how a fast food worker talked to you? They get paid minimum wage and most don’t like their jobs, so if you want pristine treatment maybe you shouldn’t be going to a fast food restaurant. Cook healthy food at home instead.

You hate your job? Quit it and try something else that you love to do. It might not make you as much money and you might have to sleep on a few couches along the way, but guess what? You no longer have that job to complain about!

You’re tired of being treated like a disposable woman by men? Don’t allow them to sneeze all over you and then toss you away without a second thought anymore. That’s 100% in your control, just say NO.

There’s value in making your voice heard on certain issues, because if we never spoke up about problems in society, change wouldn’t happen. But there’s a difference between complaining and voicing your opinion — in the former case you’re just sending out negativity (venting) but in the latter case you have a positive outcome in mind that can be universally beneficial. Know the difference.

If you want to #THRIVE, stop complaining about what’s wrong in your life, and start focusing more on positive solutions.

Love Lynn

 

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.