December 2014 – Life Love Lynn

27
Dec
2014

How Can I Be a Mentor if I Don’t Even Have My OWN Life Together Yet?

categories: Dealing With People, Growing, Learning, Self-Esteem

In my early twenties I signed up for Big Brothers Big Sisters and quickly became a mentor of a young shy 11 year old girl.

As time went on in the mentoring process, I started to second guess myself.

What could I possibly teach this girl? What do I have to offer her?

At the time I was starting off in my career as a freelance writer and designer so money came here and there. It was a struggle to pay my bills. I was still driving the same car that I bought in college–it shook and quivered with age and I felt embarrassed picking her up in it. I could barely afford to buy my young mentee a slice of pizza when we hung out together. I was struggling. I felt like such a failure.

Every time I thought to call my mentee for a visit this question nagged at me: why would she want to grow up and be anything like me?

So eventually my visits with my mentee lessened. When she reached the age of 14 her family decided to move away, so the BBBS relationship expired. I have to admit that while I was sad that I’d probably never see her again I was a little relieved that I no longer had to fight with myself over my significance and impact on her young life.

Years later, I look back and feel a little foolish for allowing those self-defeating thoughts to affect my mentoring relationship. I did have a chance to see her again recently and found that she turned out to be a beautiful, confident and ambitious teenager. She is on her way to great things, and I like to think I played a small role in that.

I am speaking to anyone who is thinking about becoming a mentor or is currently a mentor who doubts your ability to positively influence your mentee. It’s not so much about getting her to admire you or to be just like you. It’s about the attention and love you’re giving the child which she may not be getting enough of at home.

Much like adults, kids just want to feel special, listened to, attended to and understood. If you can give them that, you have done your job as a mentor.

So just because you don’t quite have life figured out yet doesn’t mean that you arent a good candidate for mentorship. Some young person out there needs exactly what you have to offer. Just give her the attention, love and positive guidance that YOU wish you had received more of as a child.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

25
Dec
2014

How Do I Deal with Being Alone During the Holidays? (Question from “Why Doesn’t He Love Me?”)

categories: Depression, Self-Help, Self-Love

Here is a snippet of a question answered from my forthcoming book “Why Doesn’t He Love Me? (And More Questions We Women Torture Ourselves Over).” Hopefully the answer gives you some peace this holiday season.

Love Lynn

Question: How Do I Deal with Being Alone During the Holidays?

The major holidays (Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s) can be the most depressing times of the year when you’re single. It seems as if everyone you know is with their significant others or enjoying fun times with their families.

So how do you deal with being alone and lonely during the holidays?

Surround yourself with the things that you love!

They say that light is the only cure for darkness, so if you’re preparing for a holiday alone, fill your life and space with things that you absolutely love. Not just like…LOVE.

For example, I LOVE to have what I call a “seafood fest” from time to time. I buy crab legs, jumbo shrimp, flounder, potatoes and all of the extras. I am so involved in the process of buying and cooking my seafood that I completely forget anything else going on in my life at the moment.

I also LOVE to watch French movies with subtitles. They completely hold my attention (no distractions from social media) and I’m almost always inspired in some way. So I might find several French movies on Netflix and line them up for watching during the holidays.

I also LOVE a good massage, so I might schedule some time to go to the mall or a spa to have a 10 or 20 minutes massage by a professional early in the day. Then I’ll have my nails done. This gives me a good feeling that lasts all day long.

List a minimum of three things that you absolutely LOVE to do, and treat yourself to those things during the holidays. If money is an issue, explore the free things about life that can bring a smile to your face, like playing in the snow outside—who said you have to be a kid to make a snow angel? Maybe you’ll decide to volunteer to help someone else in need because you know that will give you a good feeling.

There’s one last thing to remember—avoid all negative media during the holidays that might make you feel insufficient at this time of year. Turn off the TV and spend some time with yourself.

When you approach the holiday season with a positive outlook, you may even be inspired to reach out to someone you care about and spend some time with them—even if it’s someone you’ve had a disagreement with in the past. Open your heart and open your mind…

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her new book Why Doesn’t He Love Me? is due for release in early 2015.