How to Be the Center of Your Own Universe

I was raised by older women who selflessly gave of themselves. Many of them gave up their happiness, dreams and in many cases their peace of mind for the sake of helping other people. Basically they came last in their own lives.

Some people will call this admirable, but I disagree. I don’t think that’s what God / The Universe / The Higher Power wants for us. We’re meant to care about and help others when we can but not to the point where it robs from our own life force.

Women tend to give so much of themselves to the point where they lose themselves — they lose their identities. Later on in life, they look back at their years spent focused on sacrificing themselves to find that there’s nothing really to show for playing the role of a “martyr.” There are countless divorced women who sacrificed their careers and aspirations for marriage and kids only to find themselves struggling alone and unappreciated later on in life.

On what planet and in what universe is that fair? All of us are important and all of us deserve the pursuit of personal happiness and fulfillment.

Unfortunately, for much of my life I followed in the footsteps of this learned tradition, selflessly giving of myself to help others. It’s not until something life-changing happened to me that I realized no one else I knew would stick their neck out for me the way that I was willing to do for them.

And you know what, that’s probably smart of them.

I believe that each of us should be the center of our own Universe. We shouldn’t feel obligated to give so much of ourselves that it hurts. If we do for others it should be because we genuinely want to — not out of a sense of obligation.

So instead of holding into resentment toward people who won’t sacrifice for you, I think it’s so much more useful to turn the situation around and look at yourself. Here are a few tips for how to make yourself the center of your own Universe so that you can be happy and at peace with yourself and your decisions.

1) Take 15-20 minutes right now to answer this question “what do I need right now?” What do you need for yourself right now that will give you a boost? Write it down point by point. For example:

– I need to take better care of my health / workout
– I need to take myself out for a nice dinner
– I need to save up money to reach an important goal (no more lending — my money is my money)
– I need a vacation / getaway
– I need a massage / spa day
– I need new clothes or a new pair of comfortable shoes
– I need to quietly read a book on my lunch break (instead of listening to my co-worker go on and on about her relationship for an hour)

Now prioritize checking off this list over anything else that is going on in your life. You’ll find that as you check those things off you start to feel more important and alive. For you to help anyone else you need to be okay first.

2) Don’t ever give an immediate answer to a favor request from someone. Tell the person that you’ll think about it and get back to them at a later time. If they try to pressure you for an immediate answer, say no.

3) Before agreeing to do something for another person, ask yourself “would this put an unnecessary strain on ME?” Yes me, because ME matters. “Can I afford to do this and still be okay?” Also, “would this person do the same for me?” One of the keys to a healthy relationship with another person is reciprocity.

4) Understand that your opinion of yourself is the only one that really matters in the grand scheme of things. If someone doesn’t like you because you said no, that’s 100% their problem!

5) Start living your life from the inside out instead of from the outside in. What does that mean? Do you ever feel like you’re observing your life, actions, decisions and conversations as a third party observer? That you’re constantly thinking about what that other person is thinking about you? That you’re behaving the way you believe THEY would want you to behave? Think about it.

Be confident in who you are as an individual. Instead of looking at your life from the outside views of others, look at you from WITHIN. Are YOU happy with how you’re living? What do you think about yourself? This is where self-love comes from.

6) Be perfectly imperfect and proud of it. A lot of us are striving for perfection, which can never be achieved. Not to mention, one person’s idea of perfection differs from another’s. Understand that your imperfections are perfectly okay. Embrace them and cherish them — they’re part of you.

If you feel lost or drained by life, it’s probably because you’re not putting yourself first. Implement these tips for how to become the center of your own Universe starting today.

YOU MATTER.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Behind Every Successful Woman Is…

They say that behind every successful man is a good woman. If you look at the vast majority of successful men, there is almost always a good woman they’re married to who helped them achieve great things in life. Smart men get married to the right women.

But what about successful women? We don’t always have a good supportive husband or boyfriend to provide the same positive influence in our lives when we want to reach higher heights. Yet and still there are loads of ambitious and successful single women out there. So who or what do we have behind us when we achieve great things? Here are a few possible answers:

A strong belief, faith and commitment to God. When I scan social media the majority of faithful followers who constantly Thank God for supporting them are women. They have no shame in talking about how God took them through a hard time and are often involved in some type of business enterprise. Whether they have a husband behind them or not, these women continue to achieve.

Our hard working mothers. When you see your mother working hard and persevering for countless years, it becomes ingrained in your psyche. Single, successful women almost always have a supportive mother in their corner.

Children as motivators. One of my favorite people in the world Lisa Nichols often speaks about how her son was a major motivation for her to succeed at life and make more money. She is now a millionairess. Children are often a strong support and motivation for single mothers who strive to achieve.

Our real friends. If you have a real friend who cares about you and is there for you even in the hardest times, you have to hold on tight. These friends (our truest girlfriends) stand with us and help us achieve great things. Now I’m not talking about your acquaintances or “party friends” (the ones who only call when they need a partner to party) — I’m talking about the friend who calls you to see how you’re doing “just because” and is the first person to buy/promote what you’re selling when you start a business.

Other woman entrepreneurs. A lot of women think that other women are their enemies due to the way that they are taught from a young age (don’t trust women). But if you get a mentor or join a women’s network of fellow entrepreneurs you may find a much different reality — positive and encouraging women who want nothing more than for another woman to succeed.

Our inner strength and drive. Ever since I was young, I always crunched my nose up at the idea that women were “the weaker sex.” We may not be as physically strong as men, but I believe that we are stronger in the ways that really matter. We dig deep to do the things that no one wants to do, like raise kids alone, care for our family members in need (it’s estimated that up to 75 percent of caregivers are women), juggle multiple tasks and remain resilient even in the face of adversity. Even if a woman doesn’t have anyone in her corner, she can call on this inner strength and drive to keep doing whatever’s necessary to succeed in life.

While having a life partner in your corner to help support you in your dreams is awesome, it’s not necessary for you to be successful. As women we may not always have a strong man behind us to help us succeed, but we do have other sources to tap into for support and encouragement.

Keep moving forward.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Limiting Vs. Empowering Beliefs

In my book Survive, Live or Thrive I talk about limiting beliefs and how they are the culprits behind why we did not succeed or achieve what we want to in life.

Limiting beliefs are planted in our minds by cultural influences, the media and the people in our lives who say that they love us. These beliefs, that you accept for yourself, BECOME YOUR LIFE. Stuff doesn’t just happen to you — you are a willing participant, whether it’s good or bad. Your thoughts and beliefs affect the decisions you make, the steps you take and what you accept from others.

Bottomline, if you aren’t pleased with the way your life is going it is because you have allowed limiting beliefs to infiltrate your life for way too long.

Here is a list of common limiting beliefs that plaque women. Raise your hand if you can relate to one or more:

– I’m not smart enough to start my own business or get a better job
– I can never get healthy because bad health runs in my family
– I’m not pretty enough to deserve a good man
– I can’t find anyone better so I have to stay in this toxic relationship
– no man would ever want me as his girlfriend, all that I’m good for is sex and being a FWB
– I can never get anywhere in life because of my race or color
– My hair isn’t long enough, straight enough, blond enough, perfect enough, etc to be considered beautiful
– I’ve already lived the best days of my life, it’s all down hill from here
– I’m too old to start over
– I’m too young to be successful and make money
– I don’t deserve respect from the world (walk all over me)
– I didn’t have a father / mother in my life so I’m worthless and not meant to have a good life
– I was born poor so I’ll probably die poor (only chance is winning the lottery)
– God / the Universe is against me, so good things can’t happen to me
– I’m unlucky; all I have is bad luck
– I’m destined to fail, why even try? Why am I even here?

The list goes on and on doesn’t it? Our brains can be like toxic waste dumps.

What I’d like you to do starting today is to slowly replace some of these limiting beliefs (the messages that you’re repeating to yourself every day) with empowering thoughts and beliefs. Here are a few examples:

– the way I look and act is unique and special
– God made me, and He doesn’t make any mistakes, so I must be beautiful
– I’m alive and kicking, so I am still important to this world and have a purpose here
– I love and am loved, therefore I am a divine and significant part of this universe
– someone else’s opinion of me doesn’t have to become my reality
– I matter and I deserve respect; anyone who doesn’t agree doesn’t deserve to be in my life
– I deserve and am worthy of love overflowing
– Good things and people are attracted to me all the time — good things happening to me are the NORM

Even if you don’t fully believe these statements yet, there is POWER in saying them. Say them no matter how low you feel, no matter how bad you feel your day is going. Watch how things start to suddenly change after a week, two weeks, a month as you replace those limiting beliefs and thoughts with empowering ones.

I promise you love, no one can change your life but you — not a man, not a family member, not a friend… it’s all about YOU.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

To Think of Yourself is Human… To Consider Others, Divine

I know someone who has a very high self-esteem. She honestly and truly believes that she is the most important person walking the earth. She is completely unconcerned with a matter until it directly affects her. She seems unable to relate to or care about anyone else’s inconveniences, struggles or issues.

And she is the most important person… in her world.

It’s good to have very high self-esteem; a lot of women don’t, which is why they often get jerked around here and there by men and life.

But I think it’s even better, maybe divine, to have a healthy self-esteem. This means while you put yourself first, you are still in-tuned with the needs of others.

I believe each of us is put here to make a contribution to make this world better somehow, whether it’s in a small or large way. If we hold an ultra narcissistic viewpoint, the only person we’re contributing to is ourselves.

I have had to learn the hard way that doing the right thing for and by others doesn’t automatically mean that special blessings will come your way. This belief is why a lot of good people find themselves depressed and stressed. The truth that I’m learning is that our special blessings and successes in life have little to nothing to do with kind works — you have to truly believe that you deserve good things in life for them to come to you. This is why having a healthy self-esteem is so important.

But I do believe that when you consider the feelings and struggles of others… that when you’re kind to others when they need it most… that when you’re bold enough to step up for someone when everyone else steps back, you are recognized by the Universe as a divine entity rather than just a plain old human. It does matter. You’re contributing to the world in ways that you may not even realize are making an impact.

It’s perfectly fine to put yourself first in life (no one else is going to do that but you). But when you’re up (or even when you’re a little down), try showing someone else some concern, love and support once in a while — it might be just the thing they need to keep moving forward boldly and to develop their own healthy sense of self-esteem.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

An Audiobook Changed My Life

The story of how I got through a deep depression by listening to an audiobook.

All that I could see ahead was hopelessness, despair and unhappiness. My best friend and fiancé was gone from the earth. I was all alone. I didn’t receive any texts or calls from anyone for weeks. My money wasn’t right. I wasn’t fulfilled and I had abandoned all of my projects. I didn’t know what to do with myself other than just… exist. Get through this tedious, miserable life.

And on top of all of that, I had to do yard work that morning. I frowned at my yard full of calf-high weeds, with nothing but a low-power weed whacker in my hand (the lawn mower wouldn’t start up that morning of course).

My yard was representative of the clutter and chaos that was going on in my mind.

An Audiobook Opened My Eyes

That morning, I decided I would listen to something other than my usual music while I tackled those weeds. I turned on a motivational audiobook and got to work.

The more I listened to the words (the author’s gentle voice with her delightful Australian accent, the impeccable production and sound effects) the less troubled I was about those weeds. I whacked my way through them with ease. Before I knew it, I was done, smiling, and I even put a special thought and blessing on my lawn so that it would start growing regular green grass again. The book taught me that. Something had sparked inside of me.

From that point on audiobooks became my best friends. I listened to at least one per day, and before I knew it my life started to change right before my eyes. Almost all of the audiobooks I listened to have the same general theme — change the way you think about things if you want to improve your life. Also, we alone have the power to create our own realities.

Convenient, Simple and a Fast Turnaround

One of the benefits of audiobooks as opposed to printed books is that you can listen to them when you’re doing other things, like cooking, driving, working out or cutting down a jungle of weeds as I was doing that day.

Another is that nowadays you don’t have to fumble around with CDs. I can listen to my audio books on my cellphone with a pair of headphones thanks to Audible, iTunes and other services. It’s simple and to the point — just download and listen.

An On-Demand Therapist

I also believe that the message that an author is trying to convey sinks in quicker when she just says it to you. It’s kind of like talking to a therapist. It also lasts longer in your mind. It comes back to you when you’re involved with other things.

My transformation happened in two months. Seriously. I hit the ground running — I wrote and published two books, started blogging and took back up writing professionally. Inspired by the audiobook I listened to that morning when I was doing yard work, I created an audio form of my popular dating advice guide Let Him Chase You. Later I published Survive, Live or Thrive?

Pushing Forward

I may have my tough days here and there, but they are few and far between. They’re minor to me now. I have learned how to properly approach life’s obstacles and be thankful for my blessings. My mind is made up.

So what about you? Which audiobook will be the one that changes your life?

Lynn Gilliard is the author of the self-help audiobook Survive, Live or Thrive? and Let Him Chase YOU, a dating guide for women. Both are now available at Audible.com for free when you sign up for a new account with your Amazon email.

 

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Let Him Chase You Book

Question: How Do You Break Free from Mental Slavery?

As I write this blog post, I’m feeling a bit “down” and have been for a couple of weeks after yet again losing someone very near and dear to me. But even in the midst of a temporary mental fog, I can still see the truth very clearly.

Today I wrote the following post on my Twitter account — the thought just came to me out of the blue.

“@LoveLynnGee: The chains of mental slavery are the most difficult to break free from #LoveLynn”

One of my followers must be on the same frequency because she responded right back asking: how do you break free from mental chains? I decided to write a blog post about this because it’s a message I need to hear myself at the moment.

Let’s start here: “The definition of insanity (a form of mental bondage) is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result.” – unknown

Oftentimes we stay mentally imprisoned by a counterproductive routine or action. We’re stuck doing, saying or thinking something that we’ve been doing saying and thinking every day for the majority of our lives.

If that action or thought process isn’t effecting positive change in our lives, we have to do something else. But many of us choose to stay chained to those same routines because it’s “comfortable” or because we’re afraid of what could happen if we step outside of it.

So I believe this is one key to breaking free from mental slavery — being brave enough to step outside of a comfort zone and try something COMPLETELY new.

The next is this: “Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” – Marianne Williamson

Fear is possibly the most negative emotion that someone can have. Living in fear is what keeps many of us in mental chains for the whole time we’re here.

As the quote from Marianne Williamson says, we learn fear from other scared people. It’s not a natural emotion.

Where did you learn to be afraid? I learned it from family members, teachers and peers who meant well and only wanted to keep me safe. They may have been afraid of losing me. But they were slowly helping me into mental chains strengthened by fear. You become afraid to act, think or even feel as time goes on. As I mentioned early, you’re afraid to step out and do something different.

Fear inspires us to make irrational, rushed choices and actions that can alter the entire course of our lives. It erases logic. So I would also say that another key to breaking free from mental slavery is to conquer fear. Stare it in the face and do it anyway.

And then there’s this: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” – Buddha

Many of us are stuck in mental slavery because we’re really angry at someone or something. We feel slighted by a person, a circumstance or even the Universe / God for not being fair to us. We feel that someone or something has FAILED us in life.

When we hold onto anger it eats us up from the inside out until it has taken complete control over our lives.

It’s hard as hell, but we have to come to a place of genuine forgiveness in our hearts for people who we feel have wronged us. You have to come to a place where you accept the fact that as an adult no one is obligated to you BUT you. We design and create our lives. We alone decide if we’re going to remain chained to a negative mentality.

There may be other solutions, but I believe that these three are the keys to breaking free from mental slavery. As they say in rehab programs, the first step to getting free is admitting that there’s a problem in the first place.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

In a Hurry to Get… Nowhere?

Have you ever found yourself bustling around doing errands here and there and rushing from place to place? You’re annoyed and impatient as you wait on the line. You speed past motorists and honk at people who you feel are driving too slowly.

Then you finally get home and do… nothing. Maybe watch some television. Maybe you hurry through making a meal or crash after all that hustling around and fall asleep.

When that happens you’ve just spent an entire day hurrying through your life for little to no reason at all.

You were in a rush to get nowhere, and when you did get there (nowhere) you probably felt as if the entire day was a blur.

When you do this you’re missing out on your life. Our life is NOW, in every moment. Revel in it, enjoy it, benefit from it, learn from it.

Life isn’t supposed to be a mad dash to the finishing line. If it was, think about what that finishing line really is… Do you really want to hurry things along?

Or do you want to enjoy life to the fullest?

A few minutes of your life have ticked by since you started reading this post. Did you enjoy it? Did you benefit from it? If so, good! Now do that with everything that you choose to do in your day.

Stop and sniff the roses every now and again. Bring a book to the coffee shop and read it with a mug of hot coffee instead of getting one to go. Take a walk around the park or sidewalk in your town checking out new shops. Take your lunch at work outside when it’s nice outside instead of eating it at your desk. People watch. Call a friend you haven’t chatted with in a while.

And whenever you find yourself rushing around from place to place, ask yourself why? What do you have to do later on that is so important that you can’t enjoy your precious moments now? You can’t get those moments back.

Happiness is not some destination in the future — we can have it RIGHT NOW.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

You’re Attracting Things into Your Life All the Time (Examples)

We all have that one person in our lives who always seems to be wrapped up in drama right? The “drama queen or king.” They think that the world is out to get them, but refuse to take ownership of the part that they are playing in the drama.

Many people fail to see how they are drawing negative people, experiences and situations into their lives by their own words, thoughts and actions.

For example, when you have low self-esteem you draw other low self-esteem people around you OR people who want to take advantage of you at your low point.

When you believe that everyone is out to get you and you’re always ready for a fight, you’re eventually going to get exactly what you’re asking for.

Constantly talking about lack, being broke and penny pinching draws more money struggles into your life.

Even something as simple as the types of songs you feed your mind daily can attract things or people to you. Listening to lyrics that constantly degrade women could draw people into your life who are disrespectful to women.

Take a close look at your life right now. Think about how you might be attracting good or bad things into your day to day reality?

An Example from My Life
Not very long ago I was feeling as if no one in the world, cared, needed or loved me. I would sit at Starbucks, dinner by myself, or just in my home alone feeling invisible. Feeling sorry for myself.

Today everything is so different — in a good way. I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the attention and love I receive from the world. I am in high demand with the people in my life, to the point where I feel as if I have to give them a number and schedule an appointment for them !

What changed? I talk about this in my new book Survive, Live or Thrive?

There are so many things that changed, but the main answer is that I changed my mindset and the way that I choose to interact with the world.

I’m no longer angry and combative and feeling sorry for myself. I have taken full responsibility for my life and my choices and it really feels great.

I feel confident and happy. I treat people the way that I want to be treated. I don’t focus on petty things. I replace the urge to worry with positive thoughts of the best resolution to the issue.

And I have come to the realization that I was the one who was attracting all of that bad and sad stuff into my life, unconsciously.

We Are Constantly Creating Our Lives
This is a simple law of the universe that many of us don’t realize is happening every day in every way.

We are the ones who create our world. We unconsciously draw things into our lives by the way we talk, the way we feel, the way we think and the people we spend most of our time with. We are in charge of the creation process.

So if you want a better life, if you don’t like where you live, if you don’t like the people you’re around or you don’t like the way your bank account is set up, start creating a new life. Change it. Only you have the power to do that — you can’t sit around waiting for someone to swoop in and change your life for you.

Change the way you think, talk and interact with the world, starting today. Decide what you want and once you have that in mind, everything you say, think about and do should be about that goal.

Start today. Start right now. Stay strong, stay positive and continue educating yourself on how to get to exactly where you want to be.

Love Lynn

 

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Lynn Gilliard is a prolific writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of the self-help book Survive, Live or Thrive?  and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU .

One Day… Why Not NOW?

A lot of us go through life, going through the motions. We wait for the day that someone will show up and vindicate us for all the hard work we’ve done. We wait for the day when someone will recognize us for the struggle we’ve gone through.

We hope for that “one day”… someone (maybe Jesus, maybe a boyfriend, maybe a woman friend) will come into our lives and say “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that” or “You are a saint for what you’ve tolerated.”

And this very well may happen some day. But the longer you wait for it to happen, the more and more resentment and anger builds up.

So instead of waiting for that one day, why not make it happen today? You don’t have to wait for *another person* to let you off the hook. Let YOURSELF off of the hook. Tell your own self those things that you so desperately want to hear:

– you are so special
– you are amazing for what you do
– you are so hard working
– God is so proud of you

Whatever it may be.

Start living for YOU today.

One Day I Will… When…
There is another kind of “One Day” some of us secretly hold in mind. The one that says:

One day I will ___(fill in the blank)___ when I __(fill in the blank)___

– One day I will get a better job when I get my degree

– One day I will go to the spa when I get vacation time

– One day I will start my own business when my credit gets better

– One day I will move when I save enough money

This phrase is often an excuse to delay action today. Talk is cheap — action matters.

So if you really want to make those things happen, what can you do TODAY to make them more of a reality?

– Instead of waiting for your degree for a better job, start researching better paying jobs that you may be qualified for. You may find that you can make a lot more money RIGHT NOW doing something that you’re already skilled at.

– Instead of waiting for time off to act on going to the spa, make an appointment RIGHT NOW — even if it’s a couple of weeks from now. If cash-flow is an issue at the moment, you now have a clear goal in mind to save up $50 or so for a good massage and facial!

– If you want to start a business, you don’t need perfect credit to do so. You may need good credit to get financing, but there’s nothing stopping you from getting started on a business plan TODAY.

– If your ultimate goal is to move, do you have a clear idea in your mind of WHERE you want to move? Do you know exactly how much it would cost to do that? Even if you don’t have enough cash for the deposit or moving costs, you can take steps RIGHT NOW to get things rolling in that direction.

Let’s stop using that phrase “One Day” and start embracing the idea that there are actions and steps we can take TODAY to achieve our goals and get satisfaction out of life.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of Survive, Live or Thrive? a self-help guide for people who feel stuck in a rut, and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

New Book: Survive, Live or Thrive? by L. Lynn Gilliard

New Book:

Survive, Live or Thrive?

by L. Lynn Gilliard

 

Simple Life Tips for Those Who Feel Stuck in a Rut

This is a guide for those who feel that they may be stuck in a rut in one or more areas of their life, including:

– pursuing your dreams
– making good money
– dating and love relationships
– family relationships
– self-love

Though the book is specifically targeted for women who are experiencing challenges in their lives, the concepts apply to everyone. Fueled by the idea that life is meant to be easy and enjoyable, it is loaded with stories, blog posts from Lynn’s websites and other inspirations and thoughts to help propel you to the ultimate goal: THRIVING in every area of your life.

Get the Amazon Paperback Here

 

Audio version – Coming soon