May
2014

To Think of Yourself is Human… To Consider Others, Divine

categories: Dealing With People, Growing

I know someone who has a very high self-esteem. She honestly and truly believes that she is the most important person walking the earth. She is completely unconcerned with a matter until it directly affects her. She seems unable to relate to or care about anyone else’s inconveniences, struggles or issues.

And she is the most important person… in her world.

It’s good to have very high self-esteem; a lot of women don’t, which is why they often get jerked around here and there by men and life.

But I think it’s even better, maybe divine, to have a healthy self-esteem. This means while you put yourself first, you are still in-tuned with the needs of others.

I believe each of us is put here to make a contribution to make this world better somehow, whether it’s in a small or large way. If we hold an ultra narcissistic viewpoint, the only person we’re contributing to is ourselves.

I have had to learn the hard way that doing the right thing for and by others doesn’t automatically mean that special blessings will come your way. This belief is why a lot of good people find themselves depressed and stressed. The truth that I’m learning is that our special blessings and successes in life have little to nothing to do with kind works — you have to truly believe that you deserve good things in life for them to come to you. This is why having a healthy self-esteem is so important.

But I do believe that when you consider the feelings and struggles of others… that when you’re kind to others when they need it most… that when you’re bold enough to step up for someone when everyone else steps back, you are recognized by the Universe as a divine entity rather than just a plain old human. It does matter. You’re contributing to the world in ways that you may not even realize are making an impact.

It’s perfectly fine to put yourself first in life (no one else is going to do that but you). But when you’re up (or even when you’re a little down), try showing someone else some concern, love and support once in a while — it might be just the thing they need to keep moving forward boldly and to develop their own healthy sense of self-esteem.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.


May
2014

An Audiobook Changed My Life

categories: Learning, New Books, Self-Help, True Stories

The story of how I got through a deep depression by listening to an audiobook.

All that I could see ahead was hopelessness, despair and unhappiness. My best friend and fiancé was gone from the earth. I was all alone. I didn’t receive any texts or calls from anyone for weeks. My money wasn’t right. I wasn’t fulfilled and I had abandoned all of my projects. I didn’t know what to do with myself other than just… exist. Get through this tedious, miserable life.

And on top of all of that, I had to do yard work that morning. I frowned at my yard full of calf-high weeds, with nothing but a low-power weed whacker in my hand (the lawn mower wouldn’t start up that morning of course).

My yard was representative of the clutter and chaos that was going on in my mind.

An Audiobook Opened My Eyes

That morning, I decided I would listen to something other than my usual music while I tackled those weeds. I turned on a motivational audiobook and got to work.

The more I listened to the words (the author’s gentle voice with her delightful Australian accent, the impeccable production and sound effects) the less troubled I was about those weeds. I whacked my way through them with ease. Before I knew it, I was done, smiling, and I even put a special thought and blessing on my lawn so that it would start growing regular green grass again. The book taught me that. Something had sparked inside of me.

From that point on audiobooks became my best friends. I listened to at least one per day, and before I knew it my life started to change right before my eyes. Almost all of the audiobooks I listened to have the same general theme — change the way you think about things if you want to improve your life. Also, we alone have the power to create our own realities.

Convenient, Simple and a Fast Turnaround

One of the benefits of audiobooks as opposed to printed books is that you can listen to them when you’re doing other things, like cooking, driving, working out or cutting down a jungle of weeds as I was doing that day.

Another is that nowadays you don’t have to fumble around with CDs. I can listen to my audio books on my cellphone with a pair of headphones thanks to Audible, iTunes and other services. It’s simple and to the point — just download and listen.

An On-Demand Therapist

I also believe that the message that an author is trying to convey sinks in quicker when she just says it to you. It’s kind of like talking to a therapist. It also lasts longer in your mind. It comes back to you when you’re involved with other things.

My transformation happened in two months. Seriously. I hit the ground running — I wrote and published two books, started blogging and took back up writing professionally. Inspired by the audiobook I listened to that morning when I was doing yard work, I created an audio form of my popular dating advice guide Let Him Chase You. Later I published Survive, Live or Thrive?

Pushing Forward

I may have my tough days here and there, but they are few and far between. They’re minor to me now. I have learned how to properly approach life’s obstacles and be thankful for my blessings. My mind is made up.

So what about you? Which audiobook will be the one that changes your life?

—

Lynn Gilliard is the author of the self-help audiobook Survive, Live or Thrive? and Let Him Chase YOU, a dating guide for women. Both are now available at Audible.com for free when you sign up for a new account with your Amazon email.

 

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Let Him Chase You Book


May
2014

Question: How Do You Break Free from Mental Slavery?

categories: Negativity, Self-Esteem, Self-Love

As I write this blog post, I’m feeling a bit “down” and have been for a couple of weeks after yet again losing someone very near and dear to me. But even in the midst of a temporary mental fog, I can still see the truth very clearly.

Today I wrote the following post on my Twitter account — the thought just came to me out of the blue.

“@LoveLynnGee: The chains of mental slavery are the most difficult to break free from #LoveLynn”

One of my followers must be on the same frequency because she responded right back asking: how do you break free from mental chains? I decided to write a blog post about this because it’s a message I need to hear myself at the moment.

Let’s start here: “The definition of insanity (a form of mental bondage) is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result.” – unknown

Oftentimes we stay mentally imprisoned by a counterproductive routine or action. We’re stuck doing, saying or thinking something that we’ve been doing saying and thinking every day for the majority of our lives.

If that action or thought process isn’t effecting positive change in our lives, we have to do something else. But many of us choose to stay chained to those same routines because it’s “comfortable” or because we’re afraid of what could happen if we step outside of it.

So I believe this is one key to breaking free from mental slavery — being brave enough to step outside of a comfort zone and try something COMPLETELY new.

The next is this: “Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” – Marianne Williamson

Fear is possibly the most negative emotion that someone can have. Living in fear is what keeps many of us in mental chains for the whole time we’re here.

As the quote from Marianne Williamson says, we learn fear from other scared people. It’s not a natural emotion.

Where did you learn to be afraid? I learned it from family members, teachers and peers who meant well and only wanted to keep me safe. They may have been afraid of losing me. But they were slowly helping me into mental chains strengthened by fear. You become afraid to act, think or even feel as time goes on. As I mentioned early, you’re afraid to step out and do something different.

Fear inspires us to make irrational, rushed choices and actions that can alter the entire course of our lives. It erases logic. So I would also say that another key to breaking free from mental slavery is to conquer fear. Stare it in the face and do it anyway.

And then there’s this: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” – Buddha

Many of us are stuck in mental slavery because we’re really angry at someone or something. We feel slighted by a person, a circumstance or even the Universe / God for not being fair to us. We feel that someone or something has FAILED us in life.

When we hold onto anger it eats us up from the inside out until it has taken complete control over our lives.

It’s hard as hell, but we have to come to a place of genuine forgiveness in our hearts for people who we feel have wronged us. You have to come to a place where you accept the fact that as an adult no one is obligated to you BUT you. We design and create our lives. We alone decide if we’re going to remain chained to a negative mentality.

There may be other solutions, but I believe that these three are the keys to breaking free from mental slavery. As they say in rehab programs, the first step to getting free is admitting that there’s a problem in the first place.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.


Mar
2014

In a Hurry to Get… Nowhere?

categories: Growing, Learning, life

Have you ever found yourself bustling around doing errands here and there and rushing from place to place? You’re annoyed and impatient as you wait on the line. You speed past motorists and honk at people who you feel are driving too slowly.

Then you finally get home and do… nothing. Maybe watch some television. Maybe you hurry through making a meal or crash after all that hustling around and fall asleep.

When that happens you’ve just spent an entire day hurrying through your life for little to no reason at all.

You were in a rush to get nowhere, and when you did get there (nowhere) you probably felt as if the entire day was a blur.

When you do this you’re missing out on your life. Our life is NOW, in every moment. Revel in it, enjoy it, benefit from it, learn from it.

Life isn’t supposed to be a mad dash to the finishing line. If it was, think about what that finishing line really is… Do you really want to hurry things along?

Or do you want to enjoy life to the fullest?

A few minutes of your life have ticked by since you started reading this post. Did you enjoy it? Did you benefit from it? If so, good! Now do that with everything that you choose to do in your day.

Stop and sniff the roses every now and again. Bring a book to the coffee shop and read it with a mug of hot coffee instead of getting one to go. Take a walk around the park or sidewalk in your town checking out new shops. Take your lunch at work outside when it’s nice outside instead of eating it at your desk. People watch. Call a friend you haven’t chatted with in a while.

And whenever you find yourself rushing around from place to place, ask yourself why? What do you have to do later on that is so important that you can’t enjoy your precious moments now? You can’t get those moments back.

Happiness is not some destination in the future — we can have it RIGHT NOW.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.


Mar
2014

You’re Attracting Things into Your Life All the Time (Examples)

categories: Achieving Goals, Dealing With People, Law of Attraction, Law of Love, Pursing Your Dreams, Pursuing Your Dreams, Self-Help

We all have that one person in our lives who always seems to be wrapped up in drama right? The “drama queen or king.” They think that the world is out to get them, but refuse to take ownership of the part that they are playing in the drama.

Many people fail to see how they are drawing negative people, experiences and situations into their lives by their own words, thoughts and actions.

For example, when you have low self-esteem you draw other low self-esteem people around you OR people who want to take advantage of you at your low point.

When you believe that everyone is out to get you and you’re always ready for a fight, you’re eventually going to get exactly what you’re asking for.

Constantly talking about lack, being broke and penny pinching draws more money struggles into your life.

Even something as simple as the types of songs you feed your mind daily can attract things or people to you. Listening to lyrics that constantly degrade women could draw people into your life who are disrespectful to women.

Take a close look at your life right now. Think about how you might be attracting good or bad things into your day to day reality?

An Example from My Life
Not very long ago I was feeling as if no one in the world, cared, needed or loved me. I would sit at Starbucks, dinner by myself, or just in my home alone feeling invisible. Feeling sorry for myself.

Today everything is so different — in a good way. I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the attention and love I receive from the world. I am in high demand with the people in my life, to the point where I feel as if I have to give them a number and schedule an appointment for them !

What changed? I talk about this in my new book Survive, Live or Thrive?

There are so many things that changed, but the main answer is that I changed my mindset and the way that I choose to interact with the world.

I’m no longer angry and combative and feeling sorry for myself. I have taken full responsibility for my life and my choices and it really feels great.

I feel confident and happy. I treat people the way that I want to be treated. I don’t focus on petty things. I replace the urge to worry with positive thoughts of the best resolution to the issue.

And I have come to the realization that I was the one who was attracting all of that bad and sad stuff into my life, unconsciously.

We Are Constantly Creating Our Lives
This is a simple law of the universe that many of us don’t realize is happening every day in every way.

We are the ones who create our world. We unconsciously draw things into our lives by the way we talk, the way we feel, the way we think and the people we spend most of our time with. We are in charge of the creation process.

So if you want a better life, if you don’t like where you live, if you don’t like the people you’re around or you don’t like the way your bank account is set up, start creating a new life. Change it. Only you have the power to do that — you can’t sit around waiting for someone to swoop in and change your life for you.

Change the way you think, talk and interact with the world, starting today. Decide what you want and once you have that in mind, everything you say, think about and do should be about that goal.

Start today. Start right now. Stay strong, stay positive and continue educating yourself on how to get to exactly where you want to be.

Love Lynn

 

—–

Lynn Gilliard is a prolific writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of the self-help book Survive, Live or Thrive?  and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU .


Mar
2014

One Day… Why Not NOW?

categories: Achieving Goals, Growing, Pursuing Your Dreams, Self-Help

A lot of us go through life, going through the motions. We wait for the day that someone will show up and vindicate us for all the hard work we’ve done. We wait for the day when someone will recognize us for the struggle we’ve gone through.

We hope for that “one day”… someone (maybe Jesus, maybe a boyfriend, maybe a woman friend) will come into our lives and say “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that” or “You are a saint for what you’ve tolerated.”

And this very well may happen some day. But the longer you wait for it to happen, the more and more resentment and anger builds up.

So instead of waiting for that one day, why not make it happen today? You don’t have to wait for *another person* to let you off the hook. Let YOURSELF off of the hook. Tell your own self those things that you so desperately want to hear:

– you are so special
– you are amazing for what you do
– you are so hard working
– God is so proud of you

Whatever it may be.

Start living for YOU today.

One Day I Will… When…
There is another kind of “One Day” some of us secretly hold in mind. The one that says:

One day I will ___(fill in the blank)___ when I __(fill in the blank)___

– One day I will get a better job when I get my degree

– One day I will go to the spa when I get vacation time

– One day I will start my own business when my credit gets better

– One day I will move when I save enough money

This phrase is often an excuse to delay action today. Talk is cheap — action matters.

So if you really want to make those things happen, what can you do TODAY to make them more of a reality?

– Instead of waiting for your degree for a better job, start researching better paying jobs that you may be qualified for. You may find that you can make a lot more money RIGHT NOW doing something that you’re already skilled at.

– Instead of waiting for time off to act on going to the spa, make an appointment RIGHT NOW — even if it’s a couple of weeks from now. If cash-flow is an issue at the moment, you now have a clear goal in mind to save up $50 or so for a good massage and facial!

– If you want to start a business, you don’t need perfect credit to do so. You may need good credit to get financing, but there’s nothing stopping you from getting started on a business plan TODAY.

– If your ultimate goal is to move, do you have a clear idea in your mind of WHERE you want to move? Do you know exactly how much it would cost to do that? Even if you don’t have enough cash for the deposit or moving costs, you can take steps RIGHT NOW to get things rolling in that direction.

Let’s stop using that phrase “One Day” and start embracing the idea that there are actions and steps we can take TODAY to achieve our goals and get satisfaction out of life.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of Survive, Live or Thrive? a self-help guide for people who feel stuck in a rut, and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.


Mar
2014

New Book: Survive, Live or Thrive? by L. Lynn Gilliard

categories: Achieving Goals, Dealing with Family, Dealing With People, Growing, Law of Attraction, Law of Love, Learning, life, Love, Negativity, New Books, Pursing Your Dreams, Pursuing Your Dreams, Self-Esteem, Self-Help, Self-Love, True Stories

New Book:

Survive, Live or Thrive?

by L. Lynn Gilliard

 

Simple Life Tips for Those Who Feel Stuck in a Rut

This is a guide for those who feel that they may be stuck in a rut in one or more areas of their life, including:

– pursuing your dreams
– making good money
– dating and love relationships
– family relationships
– self-love

Though the book is specifically targeted for women who are experiencing challenges in their lives, the concepts apply to everyone. Fueled by the idea that life is meant to be easy and enjoyable, it is loaded with stories, blog posts from Lynn’s websites and other inspirations and thoughts to help propel you to the ultimate goal: THRIVING in every area of your life.

Get the Amazon Paperback Here

 

Audio version – Coming soon


Mar
2014

You Can’t Be Everything to Everyone… Especially If You’re Nothing to Yourself

categories: Dealing with Family, Dealing With People, Learning, Pursuing Your Dreams, Self-Help, Self-Love

Why is it that some of us think so much of others but not much of ourselves?

Maybe because we’ve allowed so many negative messages about ourselves to enter our heads over the years since childhood, but for some reason we don’t think anyone else could have had the same experience.

In our minds, everyone else is living well and oh so happy. Everyone else is just great! But we can’t see the greatness in ourselves.

sad sunflower
Courtesy © Ivan Chuyev | Dreamstime Stock Photos

The truth is that everyone else around us is probably going through the same stuff. But because we think everyone ELSE is awesome and perfect, we will do more for them and pay more attention to them than our own selves. How twisted is that?

Women do this the most by far.

Do you downgrade yourself when talking about yourself but uplift and support everyone else?

Are you always coming to the rescue of others but don’t think you’re worthy or important enough to help yourself?

Do you minimize your own light to let the light of others to shine brighter?

This can apply to something as seemingly minor as neglecting to tell people that it’s your birthday. Are you the type of person who will hold back from telling people that it’s your birthday, on the day of your birthday, for fear of seeming “narcissistic” or self serving? I used to be one of those people, but now I am more than happy to tell everyone who will listen that it’s my b-day or that it’s coming up soon. Yes! This was the day that the awesome human being that is ME came to be. Celebrate with me baby!

And guess what? I get gifts, birthday wishes and special dinner offers when I do that!

So here is the question of this post:
How can you be everything to everyone else when you’re nothing to yourself?

The answer is that you can’t. No way possible. Even people who have sky high self-esteem and self-worth know that it’s impossible to please or help everyone.

Take care of yourself! I can’t stress this enough. It’s admirable to want to help others but it’s only truly EFFECTIVE when you’re mentally, emotionally, physically and financially healthy first.

Love Lynn


Feb
2014

What You Do to Others, You Do to Yourself (The Golden Rule)

categories: Dealing With People, Law of Attraction, Learning, life

If there is one concept that I have learned to be very much true concerning the laws of the universe it’s that Karma is real.

I believe that we are all a part of one. We’re connected. So no matter how disparate our lives seem, no matter how much we try to separate ourselves into different communities and groups, we are all one. So when you go out of your way to do or say something negative to someone else, it’s like you are doing it to yourself. It’s going to come back to you in some way whether you like it, believe it or not.

I also have a theory that some people experience small bouts with Karma almost immediately because the Universe wants us to learn a lesson quickly. God wants us to move on to bigger and better things. I experience this type of thing all the time — small, manageable things like stubbing your toe after mumbling something not so nice under your breath.

When karma takes its time to work it’s because the offender doesn’t have as much potential to change for the better. The karma just builds up over time until it finally drops on that person’s head like an anvil.

You give judgment, you get judgment.
You give criticism, you get criticism.
You give blame, you get blame.
You give support, you get support.
You give love and understanding, you get that in return.

The Golden Rule is called “golden” because it is a simple yet valuable tool to carry around with you at all times…

“Treat others the way that you would want to be treated.”

Because guess what, good or bad, at some point you *will* be treated that same exact way. And when that happens all you can really do is thank yourself!

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.


Feb
2014

3 Reasons Why Being Selfless Is Actually Pretty Selfish

categories: Pursuing Your Dreams, Self-Help

A quick search of the definition of selflessness turns up this result:
“Having, exhibiting or motivated by no concern for oneself.”

In other words, being selfless is like trying to be a martyr. You sacrifice your needs in favor of others. You don’t care about yourself (or at least you say you don’t), only others.

Some believe that this term is synonymous with being unselfish, but I disagree. Let me tell you why I think being selfless is actually a very selfish way to live.

1. It Creates a Vacuum.
Being selfless is not normal. It basically says that everyone else in the world is important except for you. But you should be the most important person in your life. You are an important being. So when you go about your life with this attitude it’s like you’re creating a sort of vacuum where positive energy (your positive life force) is constantly being sucked out of you but you’re not allowing it to be replaced. When someone does come to you and say “let me help you” the “selfless” attitude within causes you to say “no no no. I don’t need help. I don’t need love. I don’t deserve or want any of that goodness.” You’re rejecting the good from coming back into your life, which is making it harder for the Universe to do its job. The Universe doesn’t like that — it wants you to be filled up to the brim and beyond with good things. Fighting natural laws is selfish.

2. It Demands Recognition.
When you selflessly spread yourself thin by preoccupying yourself with the lives of others, in a way it is a cry for attention, love and recognition. You believe that if you do everything for everybody, one day the world will say “Man, that Sally is just so awesome!” Then when that doesn’t happen as you dreamed it would, and people just start to expect you to help them out all of the time, you become resentful and angry. Constantly putting yourself out on a limb because you want to be seen as a martyr is selfish.

3. You’re Ignoring Your Own Needs. When you’re selfless, you’re actually being the most selfish to YOURSELF. You have needs just like the next person. You matter just like the next person. So if you run yourself ragged every day helping everyone else and don’t even stop to nourish your own mind, body and soul you are doing a great disservice to yourself. You are the only person who you can really count on to take care of your needs. Ignoring your own needs is being selfish to yourself.

When you think about it from this perspective, clearly being selfish and selfless are negative behaviors. A happy, healthy and fulfilled person is open to helping others but not at the expense of her own sanity and well-being.

Do your daily behaviors fall under the category of being “selfless?”

If so, it may be time to re-evaluate. You are important and deserve attention to your needs as well. It’s time to give YOU the attention you need to set your world back into its proper balance.

Love Lynn