This is a guide for those who feel that they may be stuck in a rut in one or more areas of their life, including:
– pursuing your dreams – making good money – dating and love relationships – family relationships – self-love
Though the book is specifically targeted for women who are experiencing challenges in their lives, the concepts apply to everyone. Fueled by the idea that life is meant to be easy and enjoyable, it is loaded with stories, blog posts from Lynn’s websites and other inspirations and thoughts to help propel you to the ultimate goal: THRIVING in every area of your life.
Why is it that some of us think so much of others but not much of ourselves?
Maybe because we’ve allowed so many negative messages about ourselves to enter our heads over the years since childhood, but for some reason we don’t think anyone else could have had the same experience.
In our minds, everyone else is living well and oh so happy. Everyone else is just great! But we can’t see the greatness in ourselves.
The truth is that everyone else around us is probably going through the same stuff. But because we think everyone ELSE is awesome and perfect, we will do more for them and pay more attention to them than our own selves. How twisted is that?
Women do this the most by far.
Do you downgrade yourself when talking about yourself but uplift and support everyone else?
Are you always coming to the rescue of others but don’t think you’re worthy or important enough to help yourself?
Do you minimize your own light to let the light of others to shine brighter?
This can apply to something as seemingly minor as neglecting to tell people that it’s your birthday. Are you the type of person who will hold back from telling people that it’s your birthday, on the day of your birthday, for fear of seeming “narcissistic” or self serving? I used to be one of those people, but now I am more than happy to tell everyone who will listen that it’s my b-day or that it’s coming up soon. Yes! This was the day that the awesome human being that is ME came to be. Celebrate with me baby!
And guess what? I get gifts, birthday wishes and special dinner offers when I do that!
So here is the question of this post:
How can you be everything to everyone else when you’re nothing to yourself?
The answer is that you can’t. No way possible. Even people who have sky high self-esteem and self-worth know that it’s impossible to please or help everyone.
Take care of yourself! I can’t stress this enough. It’s admirable to want to help others but it’s only truly EFFECTIVE when you’re mentally, emotionally, physically and financially healthy first.
As a young girl and woman I was always the one who selflessly gave of myself to others — even when it wasn’t convenient for me. I’d take the smallest portion to eat, even though I had just spent hours in the kitchen cooking the meal. I would relinquish a spot at the outlet in a coffee shop so that someone else could charge up, even if that meant I would have to cut my time working or studying short. I would go out of my way to please men sexually, even when I wasn’t really pleased in return. I would drive people all around town to help them out even if it caused me to be late for my own affairs.
I think a lot of us women do these things in one way or another — putting others ahead of us; putting their needs ahead of ours. It’s a learned behavior — a lot of us learn it from watching the older women in our families do this 24/7 for years and years.
For me that type of thinking is now a distant memory as I have adopted the new motto: “I am the most important person in my life.” I believe that statement should be true in every person’s life.
This is not a call for us to be selfish and neglect everyone around us — it’s a call for us to stop being selfless as women and prioritize our own needs. Being selfless is not good — we NEED self. We need that self to be strong and happy. The truth is that if we’re not okay, we can’t do much good for anyone else. This includes mothers, wives, caregivers, employees and volunteers. It’s crucial that we tend to our own needs first and foremost — only then can we properly tend to the DESERVING AND APPRECIATIVE people on our lives who need our help and provide reciprocal support/love.
So if someone tries to make you feel guilty for putting your needs before theirs, don’t be afraid to stand up and say “YES I MATTER, I COME FIRST IN MY LIFE. Who comes first in YOUR life?”
Showing love and attention to yourself is one of the first bold steps toward complete and unlimited happiness. Start today.
Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.