Category: Life Advice


Nov
2021

Are You Coping with Trauma? Healing and Understanding the Effects

categories: Life Advice, Mental Health, Self-Help

Do you find yourself having angry outbursts for no particular reason? Jumping at loud or unexpected sounds? Withdrawing from the world and the people around you? Sinking into sudden bouts of sadness and despair? You may be coping with the effects of a traumatic event you experienced.

I can remember driving toward a traffic light after a shopping trip. A young man ran out into the street in front of the car right in front of me and was launched into the sky before hitting the inner median. I still am not sure how witnessing this tragedy may have affected me. It was all so sudden.

Being constantly teased and bullied as a child can be traumatic for many—even when they have reached middle age!

Kids who have been subjected to school shootings often struggle with the after effects of these traumatic events. Adults have difficulty coping, so imagine what trauma does to a young, not-yet fully developed mind.

Women who experience divorce sometimes struggle with trauma and shock at having to adjust to life without their significant others.

And after the shock of experiencing the beginning of a global pandemic in the year 2020, it is difficult to find someone who isn’t dealing with some level or form of trauma. Families are struggling with grief due to the loss of loved ones, watching them slowly or suddenly pass away, friends losing friends, and nervousness about even being around others in public.

Media reporting doesn’t make things much better, constantly publishing fear stories that can cause anxiety to ripple through communities. Not to mention the recession that took root in 2020, causing many to lose their jobs and sense of stability.

Understanding Trauma

A trauma is a shock to the system that can affect the mind, body, and sometimes even a person’s spirit or set of beliefs. The American Psychological Association defines it as “an emotional response to a terrible event.”

There are numerous studies about how trauma can affect the body and the brain. One day you are cruising through life, with everything going as you think it should, and the next you are hit with a whammy. In major cases, you might eventually become completely confused as to why you’re even here on this planet called Earth. You may get caught up in your thoughts of the past, instead of living in the present and looking forward to the future. Trauma and anxiety are linked because it can cause a person to live in constant fear of experiencing that situation again.

Trauma can come in many different forms, from losing someone close to you, to going through some type of combat (PTSD), to witnessing an accident or tragedy (like 9/11). And sometimes you don’t even realize that your mind and your body have been affected by this trauma until there is some type of trigger.

Potential Effects and Symptoms of Trauma

How do you know you are struggling with the effects of trauma? These are some of the possible symptoms:

  • Physical reactions, like nervous gut, headaches, nausea, and/or insomnia.
  • Making rash decisions, or choices that aren’t beneficial.
  • Withdrawing from the world; pushing people away; social anxiety.
  • Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships.
  • Angry outbursts or mood fluctuations.
  • Random flashbacks to the traumatic event.

Ways to Deal with Trauma

Finding a therapist who specializes in treating the effects of trauma, one that you feel comfortable with, is ideal. There are a few different trauma therapy options, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Exposure Therapy. But what do you do to cope when you can’t find a therapist who can help you at the moment? Here are just a few suggestions:

  • Acknowledge that you are experiencing trauma, and recognize that it is not your fault.
  • Counteract a negative thought with a positive one. For instance, as soon as a negative remembrance or flashback comes to mind, attempt to picture yourself in your favorite place, somewhere peaceful, or remembering a fun time you had with friends.
  • It sounds cliché, but meditation can help. All it requires is shutting off outside influences for at least a few minutes and taking a moment to concentrate on you. It helps get you centered. Yoga and other forms of exercise can also help.
  • Stay busy with something that interests you, whether it’s a hobby or a business goal.
  • Talk to a professional about sleeping aids that will be right for you if you’re having trouble getting to sleep at night. It is so important to get your proper rest.

Hopefully, if you’re coping with trauma, you’ll be able to find the help that you need to heal. Understand that you are not to blame, and that you’re not alone. Reject guilt and shame. Take care of yourself because you matter.

Love Lynn

* This information is partly based on personal experiences, and is not meant as a substitute for the advice and counseling of a professional.


Jul
2021

What Are the (Small) Triggering Things or People You Deal with Daily?

categories: Dealing With People, Life Advice, Mental Health, Relationships, Self-Help

If you analyze each day, you’ll probably notice a number of small things that happen throughout that can trigger you to anger, annoyance, or maybe just a bit of an upset that throws you off balance for a while. It might be helpful to take note of those things and recognize how they may be affecting how things go for you, in the short term and long term.


A hair that just won’t stay in place, no matter how many times you brush or comb it down. The zipper that gets stuck when you are in a rush to head out of the door. The cellphone keypad that keeps delivering the wrong letter.

When you are in a state of anxiety, frustration, or feeling overwhelmed, sometimes the smallest of triggers can set you off in a number of ways. A trigger can make you suddenly have a verbal outburst of anger, make you cry, or cause you to self-medicate. Here are a few triggers that could be affecting your anxiety levels and stealing your joy or productivity.

Buttons Repeatedly Pressed

Have you ever been watching a movie or television show and find yourself having to press the buttons multiple times before getting a response? How many times would you say you press a button each day, whether it’s a remote control, smartphone, tablet, or other piece of technology?

Sideways Comments from Others

If you’ve ever been around a group of people, there always seems to be at least one that has to make sideways comments and try to start drama with you or others. When struggling with anxiety, it can become more and more difficult to ignore those comments. Yet, when you pay them attention, you’re giving them what they want, and distracting yourself from what YOU want.

A Dripping Faucet

Drip, drop, drip, drop. Every time you enter the room you hear that constant sound inside of the silence. This can be a triggering thing for some people, especially when it’s happening on a daily basis. Sometimes the issue can easily be remedied by simply tightening something up.

A Loud Sudden Noise

This is particularly triggering for someone who struggles with PTSD. Out of nowhere, a loud noise that leaves you wondering, “what the *** was that?” This is an issue for some people during July 4th Independence day displays and other celebrations, which sometimes last for days.

Those Annoying “Bugs”

There are few things as irritating as when you have an outdoor picnic or barbecue and the bugs won’t leave you alone. When flys, gnats, ants, wasps, and other insects invade your space it can be triggering, causing you to lose your calmness and relaxation. Have you ever seen someone scream and slap around themselves trying to get a bug away? It can be humorous to see, but it can also trigger someone’s anxiety.

People can also “bug” you, constantly trying to disturb your peace.

Slow Internet

Some of us thought we’d be living like The Jetsons by now. But in the early 21st century it’s difficult to even get a steady, consistent, reasonably fast internet connection. Constantly waiting for things to load. I know that my thoughts and ideas come to me very quickly, and I like to get them down as soon as possible. But technology seems to hold me back from doing that sometimes.

Kibbles and Bits and Bits and Bits…

If you are a cat owner like me, you know how annoying it can be to have to clean up after your pets. They leave trails of litter from the litter box all around your house and often will drop food kibbles in the most random of places. You step on them when getting out of the shower. You see them in your kitchen and dining room. Seeing these small kibbles and bits can be triggering, if you allow it to become an annoying issue instead of just sweeping things up every week.

Tangled Cords

Have you ever found yourself fighting with cords? Trying to detangle a cellphone cord, computer cord, or the cord to your vacuum? The patience wears things after a while. Obviously, the solution is to take the time to wrap the cords properly after each use, but when you are overwhelmed it can be difficult to do the obvious.

Once you start to recognize these triggers, it may be easier to work through them. Take a few deep breaths, acknowledge the issue, and then either fix it or laugh it off. You are in control.

What are some of the triggers you deal with on a daily basis? And how you can manage them more productively?

Love Lynn


Feb
2021

Overcoming Loneliness: Ways to Stay Balanced and Optimistic About the Future

categories: Dealing With People, Depression, Life Advice, Loneliness, Relationships, Releasing Anger, Self-Care, Self-Esteem, Self-Help, Self-Love

Since the beginning of the pandemic, there have been numerous studies and conversations surrounding the epidemic of loneliness. Even before covid, people were becoming increasingly isolated due to social media, technology, cellphones (texting instead of talking), depression, grief, and other reasons.

Post-pandemic, a lot of people are really feeling the struggle when it comes to being alone almost all the time, including those who have found no other choice than to quarantine and avoid meeting up with others. Experts have revealed that loneliness could have numerous effects on people, including physical and mental health issues, if this lifestyle isn’t managed properly.

We can forge better relationships with friends and family so that we increase the possibilities of having meaningful social interactions now and in the future. At the same time, unfortunately, we can’t force people to spend more time with us to “cure” our loneliness. But we can learn how to get more comfortable with being alone and enjoying our own company over time. Here are a few tips for how we can overcome feelings of loneliness and sadness, and think more optimistically for the future.

Maintain High Standards for Yourself

I talk about this in my book Sing While You’re Single. No matter how low, alone, or sad you may feel, strive to maintain a certain standard for yourself (personal hygiene and looks) and the place where you live (keeping it tidy, organized, and smelling good). Even if it’s just brushing and flossing your teeth meticulously each day or wiping down your kitchen counter so that it gleams. Just do it, it’s for you. You might feel lonely every now and again, but at least you can look good and feel good in your home—make it your Oasis.

Be Good to the Good People You Still Have in Your Life

Nearly a decade ago I was angry and resentful of pretty much everyone in my life because I felt that they abandoned me in my time of need.

Well, you know what? I had to get over that because it was making me increasingly isolated and even more angry at life and people. That approach wasn’t working. So, I began to study Universal principles and listen to motivational speakers and authors. It calmed me and gave me some sense of hope. I worked on myself and forgave whoever I thought wronged me. Truth be told, most people do not care if you are mad at them. Some don’t even know. There is no point hanging onto negative feelings about others—instead, focus on the decent people you know or encounter and build better relationships with them.

Be About Your Business

It is difficult to feel lonely, unhappy, and caught up in negative thoughts when you are busy with something that you are passionate about. Get busy doing something that you love, whether it is working on a plan to generate extra income, studying your craft to become a high-end expert, or working on your artwork.

Remember though: everything in moderation. Avoid becoming a workaholic to the point where you lose yourself or get distracted from other aspects of living well, such as preparing healthy meals, getting exercise, and staying in touch with loved ones.

Continue to Actively Participate in the World

Feelings of loneliness are exacerbated when you start to isolate yourself in your home and not actively participate in the world. Make efforts to go outside as much as possible and stay active. You can take a walk in a park with an ice-cold Snapple or smoothie, go to a shopping center even just to window shop, or just go outside your house and have a short conversation with a neighbor.

Just make every effort to go outside and interact with the world in some way. Breathe in the fresh air. Regular exercise outdoors is renewing and invigorating. See if there may be an outdoor fitness class you can join that allows for proper social distancing or find a quiet, safe place where you can practice yoga stretches.

Recognize When You’re Talking to Your Higher Power

When you feel like you may be talking to yourself, it might really be that you’re talking to your Higher Power, a guardian angel, or maybe a loved one who passed. I don’t think you are really alone if you believe that. Deep down you know that someone who cares about you is listening. Be comforted by that when you are feeling lonely.

It Takes Time to Get Used to Being with Yourself

It can take months or years before you finally become comfortable with just being alone with yourself, whether it’s at home cooking, going to an outdoor restaurant by yourself for a special meal, or just going for a walk on the beach. But there’s a good chance that you might learn to like it: the peace of not having to entertain other people’s personalities or proclivities and just do whatever YOU want.

Sometimes when I am with others, I look forward to getting back to my solitude, peace, and calm. I love myself, I like myself, and I enjoy spending time alone. But that took time.

Despite a number of personal tragedies that were out of my control, I am still optimistic that things can get better. You may be able to relate. This “epidemic of loneliness” does not have to become our new normal. I believe that we can return to having stronger connections with others while also being safe and responsible. We take things day by day, step by step, show genuine care for ourselves and our loved ones, and focus on positive thoughts for the future.

Love Lynn


Jun
2020

For the Ladies…21 Things to Keep in Your House

categories: life, Life Advice, organization, Self-Care

Your home should be a place of respite, where you feel relaxed and happy. It’s where you recharge to face your day boldly. To achieve that feeling, you should you have everything that you might need in your house or apartment. Some things that seem like wants are actually needs, because they make your life easier and more comfortable. Consider these 21 items you would want to keep in your house to make it feel more like home.

1. A Good Cup (Or 3)

There are so many beverages that you probably consume on a daily basis, whether it’s tea, milk, a smoothie, or a health drink. Sometimes all you need is the right cup to make your beverage more appetizing and appealing. For example, I like to drink green health drinks, so I purchased a green blender bottle to use just for this reason. And have you ever watched British television shows where they are always having a “spot of tea.” They use the most delightful tea cups and tea sets to serve it. It’s better to sip tea from a beautiful little cup and saucer than from a plain mug.

2. A Covered Trash Can

If you own or lease a home and have to take your garbage out weekly, those rascally night creatures are sure to start jumping in your food trash. The result is a mess you’ll have to clean up in the morning. So, it’s important to have a solid trash can with a secure lid. You can buy lids by themselves, separate from the trash can, on Amazon. I recently purchased this one.

3. A Back Support Pillow

If you’re among the millions of people who are working from home now, you might miss the stability of sitting in an office chair that has some support for your back. Invest in a back support pillow to help keep your back aligned properly as you work, or even when you’re just watching television. You can also get a back girdle for support to wear when you’re sitting.

4. Disinfectant Wipes

It may be difficult to find them right now, but if you can find disinfectant wipes, get a few bottles for your house. Keep one in the bathroom, one in the kitchen, and one in the living area of your house. Use them sparingly for quick disinfecting of surfaces, items you bring into the house, and your electronics.

5. Candles (For Multiple Reasons Including Self Care)

A friend of mine invited me to a candle making event. It was surprisingly fun and enlightening. I made a candle with lavender and jasmine scents. I was (and is) wonderful. Sometimes you just have to light a candle and get a whiff of those lovely smells to make your home feel more comfortable and relaxed. It’s also nice to have a candle’s soothing scents while you’re having a bath or listening to music.

6. A Package of Hot Oil Caps or Thermal Hair Cap

When your hair is dry and crackly, it is more likely to start breaking off at the ends. A hot oil treatment or deep conditioning leave in can help repair some of the damage. Keep a package of hot oil caps in your bathroom for those days when you decide to treat your hair–you can find them in the dollar store. Or just invest in a thermal cap for your hair. It helps keep the heat in so that the product can do its job.

7. A Good Chair or Recliner

Everyone needs their own chair. A place where they sit with regularity. A place where they feel the most comfortable, like they are where they are supposed to be. Find a special chair or recliner that fits you, your style (color, fabric, etc.), and your space.

8. A Comfy Robe

Have you ever been to a hotel where they provided plush robes? It’s heavenly. You can have that at home. Get yourself an oversized, thick, plush robe in whatever color you prefer to use for your showers or baths. You can also just use it to walk around the house on Saturdays and Sundays in the fall or winter.

9. Air Purifier

Do you have cats or dogs as pets? If so, you can bet that their hair is flying in the air constantly. Pet dander isn’t the only thing that can irritate your nose, also the pollen that flies in the air during the spring and summer. An air purifier can help clear up a lot of the irritants that float in the air during the year. You can find one for under $100, set it up in the room where you sneeze the most, then move it to other rooms throughout the day. Totally worth it.

10. Water Filtering Pitcher

I like to drink high quality water from springs, reverse osmosis, or with electrolytes. When there was a potential issue finding these waters I realized that I needed a back-up plan. So, I bought a water filtering pitcher. It removes unwanted materials from your faucet water. If you have pets, this is a very useful item to have in your home.

11. Chromecast Device or Compatible TV

When you’re forced to stay in the house for a long period of time, it helps to have access to great shows to keep you occupied. I mean of course you can always read a book or busy yourself with a hobby, but sometimes it just helps to watch a television show. I prefer shows that teach me things about human nature, science, or things of the past. One item you might want to keep in your house is a Chromecast device or similar, or a television that has the casting capability built in.

12. Privacy Curtains

What’s the point of having a window if you can’t look out of it or let the sun shine in? A privacy curtain allows you to look out and bring light into your home while blocking viewing from the outside. They come usually in white, but I believe they may be available in other colors.

13. A High-Quality Moisturizer and Lotion

The skin is the body’s largest organ, and it needs nourishment on a regular basis. It’s important to have a good moisturizer for your face and lotion for the rest of your body. I like Gold Bond products. For my face, I currently prefer SheaMoisture products. Find what works for you, and keep an ample supply in your bathroom or bedroom.

14. Beans and Rice

In the early weeks of the 2020 crisis, I told everyone I cared about to stock up on beans and rice. They laughed at me. But when it comes down to it, these are two of the most reliable ingredients you can have in your pantry. They last a long time and really fill you up Just get a few bags and store them away. Then carry on with life as usual.

15. A Pair of Oversized Sweats and Hoodie

Everyone doesn’t have the time to get dressed to the nines to go out to grocery shop or run errands. It helps to have a handy pair of sweatpants and a hoodie to put on when you just have to run out quickly or do some work in your yard.

16. Organizing Baskets

Are your things strewn all over a table or on your bathroom sink? You will be pleasantly surprised by how wonderful you’ll feel when it’s all organized into baskets. Finally, you can find things quickly and feel good about how your space looks.

17. Lawn Mower or Trimmer

If you’re a homeowner, you know how important it is to maintain your yard. You need tools to keep things in order. At the very least have a trimmer to get rid of weeds. If you can, invest in a lawn mower to keep things tidy.

18. A Good Non-Stick Pan

Most of your meals are probably going to have to be prepared or heated up in a frying pan, so make sure you have a good one. Non-stick pans like this one are usually very easy to use and clean. Pick a non-stick pan that will last you for at least a year or two.

19. Wall Power Station with Cellphone Charging Slots and Surge Protection

Turn two plugs into three or more when you buy a wall power station. Simply plug the wall power station into your existing power slots and add the screws provided as needed. Have a handyman or professional help you with this if you’re unfamiliar. This will allow you to charge your cellphones quickly and easily. You’ll also have more space for other electronic needs.

20. Large Tote Containers

If there is one thing you’ve probably learned after having to quarantine in your house for months, it’s that you need a stash of food, cleaners, and other household needs. Make sure you have one or two large tote containers that you can seal and keep in your pantry or a cool room.

21. Battery Powered Radio (And All Types of Batteries)

While you may only listen to the radio when you’re in your car, it’s important to have one in your home as well. A battery powered radio is and always will be a reliable way to get updates about what is going on in the world. It’s battery powered, so it’s not reliant on electricity. Just make sure you always have plenty of AA, C, and D batteries.

Of course, there are other needs that could be added to your list of 21 things to keep in your house, like plenty of pet food, video cameras, and protective devices. This is a good start though. Take good care of yourself, your home, and your loved ones.

Love Lynn