Tag: friends


Aug
2019

Who Are Your Real Friends?

categories: Dealing With People, Realizations, Relationships

When I lost my best friend, my “person,” who had also been my fiancé at one point, my life went into a tailspin. I expected my friends, who extended across numerous backgrounds and experiences, to come to my aid at that difficult time. In tears, I texted about seven of them to tell them the news right after I heard. I got a few “sorry for your loss” messages back.

Then nothing. For months. From anyone. Not even my close family members.

I was in a state of shock, and I changed a lot in those months, which extended to years. I lost my lightness, my humor, and my confidence in people. I finally came to the realization that I no longer had any true friends after my best friend’s passing—I just had a lot of acquaintances. I just had people I know who knew me at one point.

As time went on, I started to get the impression that many of my former “friends” were quietly happy to learn that I was in distress. I was just a topic of gossip. In school and social settings, I had always been the life of the party, the one who always got the guy, and the one who took the lead. Now I was the depressed, grieving woman who was gaining weight, detaching from humanity, and losing her personality.

I wrote about this in several of my books. And I came to realize recently, all these years later, that this experience continues to have a very real effect on me, and how I navigate my relationships. I have a really hard time trusting people.

What Is a Friend?

A friend is someone who comes through for you when times are the toughest. Like a hero, she doesn’t run away from the problem, she charges forward to your rescue because she loves you and cares about your well-being. A friend tells you the truth. She isn’t secretly jealous of you. She invites you out because she genuinely wants to see you. She also makes time to come see you when she knows you need some company. She texts or contacts you at least a few times a week to see how you’re doing. To make sure you’re OK.

If you are blessed to have someone like this in your life, a real friend, cherish them and treat them the same way. It’s so important.

Love Lynn


Jan
2015

Guidance vs Pushing Opinions on Others

categories: Dealing with Family, Dealing With People, Learning, life, Self-Help

I recently watched the Lifetime biopic Whitney, about the life of one of my favorite entertainers of all time — Whitney Houston. It centered around the romantic relationship she had with her ex-husband Bobby Brown.

In one scene, Whitney announces to her family that she is getting married to Bobby and her family flips their collective lids! In the movie, her mother warns her that he will bring her down, but she defiantly stayed by his side. In the end, her mother was right and they eventually divorced. He seemed to love her, but the energy that he shared with Whitney did ultimately contribute to her fall from "grace" in the public eye, as her mother advised.

What is the difference between giving someone guidance and forcing your will on them? I think there can be a fine line.

On one hand, you can’t tell someone how to live her life. She is ultimately the person who will decide the direction it will take.

On the other hand, if you know something that another person doesn’t know, isn’t it irresponsible not to try to warn them?

Sometimes I feel that some segments of our culture have been on the decline because so many people are insistent on living a totally "free" life where they just go where the wind blows. They don’t want to hear the opinions of others because they find it too "oppressive." But how can you learn and grow in a productive way if you refuse to accept well-intentioned guidance from others? Values, mores and standards help keep us all level-headed.

I think that the difference between guidance and forcing your will on others is the source. If people trust you and value your opinion, your advice is more likely to be considered valuable guidance. If you are considered a "messy" and judgmental person who doesn’t practice what you preach, your opinion is more likely to be considered an oppression or intrusion — even if it does hold some value.

A Little Guidance on Accepting Guidance 🙂
Live your life the way that you want to live it AND also be open to positive guidance from others from time to time. An opinion from another person is not always meant to be judgment or oppression — sometimes it is a blessing. You never know if one small piece of advice from someone can save you from unnecessary, long-term stress and strife.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOUand an upcoming book of life advice for women entitled Why Doesn’t He Love Me?