Tag: life advice


Jul
2021

What Are the (Small) Triggering Things or People You Deal with Daily?

categories: Dealing With People, Life Advice, Mental Health, Relationships, Self-Help

If you analyze each day, you’ll probably notice a number of small things that happen throughout that can trigger you to anger, annoyance, or maybe just a bit of an upset that throws you off balance for a while. It might be helpful to take note of those things and recognize how they may be affecting how things go for you, in the short term and long term.


A hair that just won’t stay in place, no matter how many times you brush or comb it down. The zipper that gets stuck when you are in a rush to head out of the door. The cellphone keypad that keeps delivering the wrong letter.

When you are in a state of anxiety, frustration, or feeling overwhelmed, sometimes the smallest of triggers can set you off in a number of ways. A trigger can make you suddenly have a verbal outburst of anger, make you cry, or cause you to self-medicate. Here are a few triggers that could be affecting your anxiety levels and stealing your joy or productivity.

Buttons Repeatedly Pressed

Have you ever been watching a movie or television show and find yourself having to press the buttons multiple times before getting a response? How many times would you say you press a button each day, whether it’s a remote control, smartphone, tablet, or other piece of technology?

Sideways Comments from Others

If you’ve ever been around a group of people, there always seems to be at least one that has to make sideways comments and try to start drama with you or others. When struggling with anxiety, it can become more and more difficult to ignore those comments. Yet, when you pay them attention, you’re giving them what they want, and distracting yourself from what YOU want.

A Dripping Faucet

Drip, drop, drip, drop. Every time you enter the room you hear that constant sound inside of the silence. This can be a triggering thing for some people, especially when it’s happening on a daily basis. Sometimes the issue can easily be remedied by simply tightening something up.

A Loud Sudden Noise

This is particularly triggering for someone who struggles with PTSD. Out of nowhere, a loud noise that leaves you wondering, “what the *** was that?” This is an issue for some people during July 4th Independence day displays and other celebrations, which sometimes last for days.

Those Annoying “Bugs”

There are few things as irritating as when you have an outdoor picnic or barbecue and the bugs won’t leave you alone. When flys, gnats, ants, wasps, and other insects invade your space it can be triggering, causing you to lose your calmness and relaxation. Have you ever seen someone scream and slap around themselves trying to get a bug away? It can be humorous to see, but it can also trigger someone’s anxiety.

People can also “bug” you, constantly trying to disturb your peace.

Slow Internet

Some of us thought we’d be living like The Jetsons by now. But in the early 21st century it’s difficult to even get a steady, consistent, reasonably fast internet connection. Constantly waiting for things to load. I know that my thoughts and ideas come to me very quickly, and I like to get them down as soon as possible. But technology seems to hold me back from doing that sometimes.

Kibbles and Bits and Bits and Bits…

If you are a cat owner like me, you know how annoying it can be to have to clean up after your pets. They leave trails of litter from the litter box all around your house and often will drop food kibbles in the most random of places. You step on them when getting out of the shower. You see them in your kitchen and dining room. Seeing these small kibbles and bits can be triggering, if you allow it to become an annoying issue instead of just sweeping things up every week.

Tangled Cords

Have you ever found yourself fighting with cords? Trying to detangle a cellphone cord, computer cord, or the cord to your vacuum? The patience wears things after a while. Obviously, the solution is to take the time to wrap the cords properly after each use, but when you are overwhelmed it can be difficult to do the obvious.

Once you start to recognize these triggers, it may be easier to work through them. Take a few deep breaths, acknowledge the issue, and then either fix it or laugh it off. You are in control.

What are some of the triggers you deal with on a daily basis? And how you can manage them more productively?

Love Lynn


Jun
2020

For the Ladies…21 Things to Keep in Your House

categories: life, Life Advice, organization, Self-Care

Your home should be a place of respite, where you feel relaxed and happy. It’s where you recharge to face your day boldly. To achieve that feeling, you should you have everything that you might need in your house or apartment. Some things that seem like wants are actually needs, because they make your life easier and more comfortable. Consider these 21 items you would want to keep in your house to make it feel more like home.

1. A Good Cup (Or 3)

There are so many beverages that you probably consume on a daily basis, whether it’s tea, milk, a smoothie, or a health drink. Sometimes all you need is the right cup to make your beverage more appetizing and appealing. For example, I like to drink green health drinks, so I purchased a green blender bottle to use just for this reason. And have you ever watched British television shows where they are always having a “spot of tea.” They use the most delightful tea cups and tea sets to serve it. It’s better to sip tea from a beautiful little cup and saucer than from a plain mug.

2. A Covered Trash Can

If you own or lease a home and have to take your garbage out weekly, those rascally night creatures are sure to start jumping in your food trash. The result is a mess you’ll have to clean up in the morning. So, it’s important to have a solid trash can with a secure lid. You can buy lids by themselves, separate from the trash can, on Amazon. I recently purchased this one.

3. A Back Support Pillow

If you’re among the millions of people who are working from home now, you might miss the stability of sitting in an office chair that has some support for your back. Invest in a back support pillow to help keep your back aligned properly as you work, or even when you’re just watching television. You can also get a back girdle for support to wear when you’re sitting.

4. Disinfectant Wipes

It may be difficult to find them right now, but if you can find disinfectant wipes, get a few bottles for your house. Keep one in the bathroom, one in the kitchen, and one in the living area of your house. Use them sparingly for quick disinfecting of surfaces, items you bring into the house, and your electronics.

5. Candles (For Multiple Reasons Including Self Care)

A friend of mine invited me to a candle making event. It was surprisingly fun and enlightening. I made a candle with lavender and jasmine scents. I was (and is) wonderful. Sometimes you just have to light a candle and get a whiff of those lovely smells to make your home feel more comfortable and relaxed. It’s also nice to have a candle’s soothing scents while you’re having a bath or listening to music.

6. A Package of Hot Oil Caps or Thermal Hair Cap

When your hair is dry and crackly, it is more likely to start breaking off at the ends. A hot oil treatment or deep conditioning leave in can help repair some of the damage. Keep a package of hot oil caps in your bathroom for those days when you decide to treat your hair–you can find them in the dollar store. Or just invest in a thermal cap for your hair. It helps keep the heat in so that the product can do its job.

7. A Good Chair or Recliner

Everyone needs their own chair. A place where they sit with regularity. A place where they feel the most comfortable, like they are where they are supposed to be. Find a special chair or recliner that fits you, your style (color, fabric, etc.), and your space.

8. A Comfy Robe

Have you ever been to a hotel where they provided plush robes? It’s heavenly. You can have that at home. Get yourself an oversized, thick, plush robe in whatever color you prefer to use for your showers or baths. You can also just use it to walk around the house on Saturdays and Sundays in the fall or winter.

9. Air Purifier

Do you have cats or dogs as pets? If so, you can bet that their hair is flying in the air constantly. Pet dander isn’t the only thing that can irritate your nose, also the pollen that flies in the air during the spring and summer. An air purifier can help clear up a lot of the irritants that float in the air during the year. You can find one for under $100, set it up in the room where you sneeze the most, then move it to other rooms throughout the day. Totally worth it.

10. Water Filtering Pitcher

I like to drink high quality water from springs, reverse osmosis, or with electrolytes. When there was a potential issue finding these waters I realized that I needed a back-up plan. So, I bought a water filtering pitcher. It removes unwanted materials from your faucet water. If you have pets, this is a very useful item to have in your home.

11. Chromecast Device or Compatible TV

When you’re forced to stay in the house for a long period of time, it helps to have access to great shows to keep you occupied. I mean of course you can always read a book or busy yourself with a hobby, but sometimes it just helps to watch a television show. I prefer shows that teach me things about human nature, science, or things of the past. One item you might want to keep in your house is a Chromecast device or similar, or a television that has the casting capability built in.

12. Privacy Curtains

What’s the point of having a window if you can’t look out of it or let the sun shine in? A privacy curtain allows you to look out and bring light into your home while blocking viewing from the outside. They come usually in white, but I believe they may be available in other colors.

13. A High-Quality Moisturizer and Lotion

The skin is the body’s largest organ, and it needs nourishment on a regular basis. It’s important to have a good moisturizer for your face and lotion for the rest of your body. I like Gold Bond products. For my face, I currently prefer SheaMoisture products. Find what works for you, and keep an ample supply in your bathroom or bedroom.

14. Beans and Rice

In the early weeks of the 2020 crisis, I told everyone I cared about to stock up on beans and rice. They laughed at me. But when it comes down to it, these are two of the most reliable ingredients you can have in your pantry. They last a long time and really fill you up Just get a few bags and store them away. Then carry on with life as usual.

15. A Pair of Oversized Sweats and Hoodie

Everyone doesn’t have the time to get dressed to the nines to go out to grocery shop or run errands. It helps to have a handy pair of sweatpants and a hoodie to put on when you just have to run out quickly or do some work in your yard.

16. Organizing Baskets

Are your things strewn all over a table or on your bathroom sink? You will be pleasantly surprised by how wonderful you’ll feel when it’s all organized into baskets. Finally, you can find things quickly and feel good about how your space looks.

17. Lawn Mower or Trimmer

If you’re a homeowner, you know how important it is to maintain your yard. You need tools to keep things in order. At the very least have a trimmer to get rid of weeds. If you can, invest in a lawn mower to keep things tidy.

18. A Good Non-Stick Pan

Most of your meals are probably going to have to be prepared or heated up in a frying pan, so make sure you have a good one. Non-stick pans like this one are usually very easy to use and clean. Pick a non-stick pan that will last you for at least a year or two.

19. Wall Power Station with Cellphone Charging Slots and Surge Protection

Turn two plugs into three or more when you buy a wall power station. Simply plug the wall power station into your existing power slots and add the screws provided as needed. Have a handyman or professional help you with this if you’re unfamiliar. This will allow you to charge your cellphones quickly and easily. You’ll also have more space for other electronic needs.

20. Large Tote Containers

If there is one thing you’ve probably learned after having to quarantine in your house for months, it’s that you need a stash of food, cleaners, and other household needs. Make sure you have one or two large tote containers that you can seal and keep in your pantry or a cool room.

21. Battery Powered Radio (And All Types of Batteries)

While you may only listen to the radio when you’re in your car, it’s important to have one in your home as well. A battery powered radio is and always will be a reliable way to get updates about what is going on in the world. It’s battery powered, so it’s not reliant on electricity. Just make sure you always have plenty of AA, C, and D batteries.

Of course, there are other needs that could be added to your list of 21 things to keep in your house, like plenty of pet food, video cameras, and protective devices. This is a good start though. Take good care of yourself, your home, and your loved ones.

Love Lynn


May
2020

Excuses People Make to Get Off of the Phone

categories: Dealing with Family, Dealing With People, Learning, life

Excuses people make instead of just saying you aren’t important enough for them to talk to.

I have to scrub my feet and toes.

I am about to watch this show on Netflix, so…

I’m about to heat up this Lean Cuisine meal.

Oh someone is on the other line I’ll call you back later (but they don’t).

I’m at work, got to get back. (Then they go and drink watered down office coffee and do nothing.)

Something hurts. Neck back ankle etc. Gotta go!

XYZ is happening right now and I have to go. So.

When people make up these types of excuses to get off the phone with you, it’s because they truly just do not want to talk to or help you. Know this and adjust your expectations.

One day, bet, they will probably come looking for you for help because right now they think they won’t ever need it.

Maya Angelou said when people show you who they are you have to believe them the first time. Do your best now to find other friends and people who you can really rely on.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.

Follow Lynn on Twitter: @LoveLynnGee


Aug
2017

Too Much Social Media: Tips for Staying Sane and Productive

categories: Self-Care

With each day, I see more evidence that social media has become a major distraction and that it may be negatively effecting the quality of our lives. Anxiety, confusion, depression, and a general lack of focus are plaguing many social media users. Television used to be the major distraction, but now Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram have become a daily obsession for many people.

iphonebackI am guilty of being too easily distracted by social media apps. Almost every day the first thing I grab is my cell phone. The second thing I usually do is open Twitter and check the trending topics. So basically, the first thing I see when I awaken to a brand new day is the chaos and confusion that’s going on in the world at the moment.

Sometimes there’s a horrific story of something that happened the night before. Other times the news stories are completely focused on the latest atrocity committed by the person currently occupying the oval office. The rest of it is mostly chitter-chatter and topics that can make you feel like you’re losing a few IQ points with each scroll.

In my book You Matter I mentioned the need to take social media breaks. I think there is great value in “unplugging” and taking regular breaks from the chaos of social media. Here are a few tips for how to better manage your social media usage.

Understand that Too Much Information Isn’t Useful

Imagine going to college for four years and trying to get 20 different degrees at once. There’s no way that you will be able to retain enough information from all 20 of those subjects to become enlightened on any of them. That’s basically what happens when you allow yourself to be overwhelmed with too much information on social media apps. Choose one or two points of focus and become educated/enlightened/an expert on those subjects.

Choose an App, Just One App

There are so many social media apps available now, including dating apps, that it can be very overwhelming keeping up with them all. Choose one social media account to focus on and stick with that. Here are a few insights about the most common apps from my personal experience:

· Facebook is for people who like to connect with the people they already know.

· Twitter is for people who are more cerebral and like to express their quiet thoughts.

· Instagram is for exhibitionists (think “show and tell”) who want to be noticed.

· Snapchat seems to be more appealing to young teens who are looking for a distraction.

Create Lists and Segmented Timelines

As mentioned earlier, social media is chaotic because you’re bombarded with so many different topics at once. One minute you’re reading a story about a loving llama and the next thing you know you’re presented with a news story about a violent attack abroad. It’s no wonder so many people struggle with anxiety.

Create lists or segments of people who will provide you with the topics that you want to read on your timeline. Search for specific hashtags of interest (#GirlTalk or #PoliticsChat) instead of looking at general trending topics. I’m not that familiar with social media sites outside of Twitter, but I know they have a way of limiting what shows up on your timeline.

Set a Timer

If hours go by and you’re still on Facebook or Instagram scrolling through pictures, you have to start setting some limits for yourself. It’s unlikely that you’re being as productive as possible in your day if you spend hours looking at posts by other people. So set a 10 or 15-minute timer on your phone right before you open your favorite social media app. That is enough time to get a quick update about what’s going on in the world so that you can then get back to your world.

Make Your Password Impossible to Remember

Taking extended social media breaks are necessary, but it can be easier said than done. If you find yourself spending too much time on a particular app, fix it so that it’s easier to resist temptation. Create a long and complicated password that you’ll never remember. Reset the password on your social media account and then log off. Now, when you feel tempted to pop into Twitter to see what’s trending you’ll be forced to go through the whole password reset process again.

Getting off of social media and getting back to real life may not be that easy since we’ve largely become addicted to our cellphones over the past decade. But we at least have to start having a conversation about this. Recognize how social media addiction may be affecting your life. Take steps to balance out your day and better manage the information that you’re consuming.

 

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.


Jul
2016

3 Simple Ways to Defeat Anger

categories: Achieving Goals, Growing, Releasing Anger, Self-Help

The famous author Mark Twain said, “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” In other words, your anger is hurting you more than anything or anyone. Explore these three simple ways that you can go about defeating your anger and finally move forward with your life in a productive manner.

Determine the Source of Your Anger

Understand that in many cases you’re not really angry at the situation that is right in front of you — you’re angry about something else in your life. Maybe you just broke up with your girlfriend or your boss is nagging you at work. Once you accept what you’re really angry at in your life, it seems silly to keep taking it out on innocent people. Apologize to the innocent people around you and treat them with the respect that they deserve. You can then take steps to remedy or release the source of your issues.

Laugh

Whenever you feel like you’re about to have an epic meltdown, stop, close your eyes and try to think of something funny. If you want, think about what you want to do to the other person in your mind — make it over the top and ridiculous, then laugh about it heartily. It may take a few moments but when you have that memory or thought placed clearly in your mind’s eye, laughing about it can completely change your state.

Change Your Scenery

Sometimes the humdrum nature of life can be too much to bear. You may start to feel as if you’re running on a hamster wheel, seeing the same people, places and things day in and out. That alone can make you angry and put you on edge, especially when those people, places and things annoy you. Try changing your scenery — go somewhere new and different today, even if it’s just the park. Changing your surroundings can help give you a different perspective on your situation and relax you both physically and mentally.

You are the only one who can control your anger. Use these tips as a starting point on the road to a more peaceful and relaxed existence. Don’t let anger eat your “vessel” up from the inside out — you have to let it go.

Love Lynn

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Feb
2015

Is It Really a Good Idea to Have a Plan A B and C?

categories: Achieving Goals, Pursuing Your Dreams, Self-Help

Throughout much of my adult life I lived by the belief that it’s always good to have a plan A B or C in case your initial idea doesn’t pan out. In my mind, the plans after “A” would have been settling into a permanent job; plan B is a good job I like, “C” is not as good of a job and so forth down the alphabet.

But that conflicts with the teachings of my mentors who say that if you have a major goal, nothing should distract you from it. Many say that having a “backup plan” is a bit like predicting the failure of your first goal.

Now I feel the need to adjust the line of thinking that I’ve always clung to about having a backup plan. Now I think that it’s important to have a plan A B C D through Z that specifically moves you toward your ultimate goal or dream of choice.

I agree with my mentors, like Les Brown, who say that if you have a dream you want to achieve you hang onto it like a mad dog with a bone. At the same time it’s still a good idea to have a plan A B and C for pursuing that dream. That’s the key.

There could be many roads that lead you to your ultimate goal — some are smooth, “safe” and curved while others are more “tricky” or risky but they might get you there faster. Each of those roads to your goal are labeled plans ABC. The more backup plans you have the better in this case — if you believe in your dream, you will do what is necessary to achieve it.

Even if you do decide to put your plans on pause for a moment, that doesn’t mean that your “trip” is over. For instance, if you decide to pause a business venture and get a job, let that be a time to regroup, save some money and get refocused on your business plan. In this case, getting a job isn’t plan B for your LIFE… it’s just PART of plan B for achieving your ultimate goal.

Avoid negative people who try to discourage you. Keep learning and growing. And stay focused on your dreams and goals — they help give your life meaning and purpose.

“Life takes on meaning when you become motivated, set goals and charge after them in an unstoppable manner.”
– Les Brown

Watch this motivational video by Les Brown: http://youtu.be/KlUMrzwmbyo

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a book of life and love advice for women entitled Why Doesn’t He Love Me? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.


Nov
2014

How to Stop Complaining & Start Thriving

categories: Dealing With People, Growing, life, Negativity, Self-Help

Do you complain too much? What do you complain about? Here’s a little tough love from Lynn

I used to be a major complainer. I would spend much of my time writing and sending complaint letters to companies who I felt wronged me. It didn’t matter if it was a fast food worker who didn’t get my order quite right or forgot to give me ketchup — I would probably take the time out to write a letter.

I was also a silent complainer. I held my pity parties all alone and in my head:

“No one is ever there for me.”

“No one cares about me.”

“I can’t trust anybody.”

Over time, I learned a hard lesson. In most cases, no one really gives a care about your complaints. They are focused on what is going on in their own worlds. Think about it — do you care much about the complaints of others? Or do you just find them annoying?

If you open your eyes and your mind, removing the tendency to complain about what’s going wrong in your world, you’ll probably see that you have some pretty great things going RIGHT.

You have privileges, talents and benefits that others don’t have, but if you spend all of your time focusing on the negative you’ll never get a chance to see them.

So here comes the tough love that you may find difficult to accept. Everything that you experience in this life as an adult is your own fault and you always have the option to “opt out” of experiencing negative consequences.

You don’t like how a fast food worker talked to you? They get paid minimum wage and most don’t like their jobs, so if you want pristine treatment maybe you shouldn’t be going to a fast food restaurant. Cook healthy food at home instead.

You hate your job? Quit it and try something else that you love to do. It might not make you as much money and you might have to sleep on a few couches along the way, but guess what? You no longer have that job to complain about!

You’re tired of being treated like a disposable woman by men? Don’t allow them to sneeze all over you and then toss you away without a second thought anymore. That’s 100% in your control, just say NO.

There’s value in making your voice heard on certain issues, because if we never spoke up about problems in society, change wouldn’t happen. But there’s a difference between complaining and voicing your opinion — in the former case you’re just sending out negativity (venting) but in the latter case you have a positive outcome in mind that can be universally beneficial. Know the difference.

If you want to #THRIVE, stop complaining about what’s wrong in your life, and start focusing more on positive solutions.

Love Lynn

 

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.


Aug
2014

Review of Beyond Positive Thinking by Dr. Robert Anthony

categories: Achieving Goals, Growing, Learning, Pursuing Your Dreams, Self-Esteem, Self-Help

When I look for self-help books I want someone who speaks to me with down to earth ideas that I can relate to and implement immediately. I found that in Beyond Positive Thinking by Dr. Robert Anthony. Here is my review of the book.

Being, Doing, Having
One of the most important nuggets I grabbed from this book was that most of us are confused about what it takes to be satisfied in life.

We believe of having, doing then being, so in other words we think that we have to have money/fame/success/material things first in order to finally be happy.

But if that were the truth, why are there so many unhappy, miserable people who have plenty of stuff?

America is one of the wealthiest countries in the world but is nowhere near the top of the happiness list.

Dr. Anthony instead says that we have to look at satisfaction in a different way: being, then doing and then having.

First you have to BE happy in order to be inspired to do something with your life that will ultimately lead to having everything you want.

Many of us complain about what we don’t have instead of being thankful for what we already do have: shelter, food, clean water, love from a family member or friend.

Our Lives Are Shaped by Our Beliefs
Another important point that Dr. Anthony makes in the book is that we act out our lives in accordance with our beliefs about ourselves. In many cases our beliefs about ourselves are formed because of what others have told us about ourselves — and we accepted it.

A young man who has always been told he is “stupid” accepts that characterization of himself and goes on to act out being “stupid” throughout his life. A girl who has always been told she is beautiful (even if she doesn’t meet society’s ideal of that) will live out her life as a beautiful woman as long as she accepts that belief.

So we have to accept better beliefs about ourselves first in order to change the course of our lives for the better.

Unhappiness Comes from Comparison
In the book Dr. Anthony says says that comparison is the root cause of unhappiness. When we constantly compare ourselves to others and think that we’re falling short, we become sad and depressed about our current lives.

I believe that one of the reasons why Americans are so unhappy as a nation is that we are obsessed with celebrity culture. We’re constantly inundated with messages, pictures and stories of people who we believe are doing so much better than us at life. The irony is that most of them are only creating an image for others to look at — they’re just as unhappy.

One More Good Point
Have you ever wondered how two children can grow up in the same home and turn out completely different? Well Dr. Anthony offers a theory that makes a lot of sense.

He says that the difference is due to each child’s interpretation of what is going on in his surroundings throughout his young life. So even in an abusive household one child might grow up and become abusive himself because he interprets that as normal behavior. Another child sees the side of the victim of the abuse, interprets it as wrong behavior and resolves to never put someone through that ever.

I really enjoyed Dr. Robert Anthony’s book Beyond Positive Thinking and highly recommend it for anyone looking for solid, clear-cut advice on how to break through to a more satisfying life.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.


Jul
2014

Drop the Hot Coal: Letting Go of Anger

categories: Dealing with Family, Dealing With People, Growing, Negativity, Pursuing Your Dreams, Self-Help

There’s a popular quote that makes plenty of rounds in the self-development world that goes: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” -Buddha

When I experienced an extremely difficult time in my life, I watched as everyone who I thought was a friend or loved one quickly drifted away. The one person who definitely would have been there was gone now, he had passed away onto the next plain.

I developed a lot of resentment and anger for the people who were still around, who I thought I could count on. I’d never gone through a time as trying as that and naively assumed someone would understand.

But this was no sitcom — this was real life, and in real life most people are pretty much doing their own thing.

Anger Thoughts
Over time this anger grew stronger and stronger, perpetuating and strengthening the depression I was suffering. I day dreamed about ways I could get them all back one day, how I would curse each of them out so bad if I ever saw them again and how I would make them feel like tiny ants that I could step on. I quietly seethed.

I was so consumed by that anger that I had no room for thoughts of prosperity or growth. I remained stuck in a holding pattern, unable to move forward with anything in my life.

Over that time I noticed a number of physical changes happening to me. It was weird. I gained weight in all the wrong places on my normally slim and trim body. My normally smooth and supple skin became blotchy. I developed allergies to things that I had never had a problem with before. Even my digestive system started acting up.

When you harbor inner anger, hatred and resentment toward others it really does only affect YOU. Only when you act on it does it hurt others, but it still comes back to hurt YOU. It might not burn your hand as in the metaphor from Buddha, but it can hurt you in myriad other ways.

Drop it ‘Cause It’s Hot
When I finally FINALLY decided to drop that hot coal of anger that I was harboring toward certain people in my life, I felt such a wave of relief rush over me. I finally managed to put things into the proper perspective — they didn’t owe me anything, and I don’t owe them anything. Even though I would have been there for them in a trying time, they still don’t have any *obligation* to do the same for me. We all have free will to choose what we’re going to do for others. If you do find a friend or loved one who holds you down in a time of trouble, you have a really good thing. Please make sure you do the same for them.

It’s not a surprise that my peculiar conditions slowly began to clear up soon after I “dropped the hot coal.” I felt light-footed/hearted and things began to progress in my life. My businesses regained momentum and I started to see the beauty in going outside on a sunny day again.

Can You Relate?
Are you holding onto a metaphorical “hot coal” of anger toward someone in your life? Maybe an ex-boyfriend, a family member or a friend from the past?

How does holding onto this anger benefit you in the short and long run? Is it really hurting the other person?

Contemplate these questions and I sincerely pray that you can one day find the strength to let go of that anger and move forward with your life. Anger is a poison and it needs to be eliminated as soon as possible.

Remember: you are the only one who is responsible for your own happiness in life. Claim it!

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive? and a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.