A quick search of the definition of selflessness turns up this result:
“Having, exhibiting or motivated by no concern for oneself.”
In other words, being selfless is like trying to be a martyr. You sacrifice your needs in favor of others. You don’t care about yourself (or at least you say you don’t), only others.
Some believe that this term is synonymous with being unselfish, but I disagree. Let me tell you why I think being selfless is actually a very selfish way to live.
1. It Creates a Vacuum.
Being selfless is not normal. It basically says that everyone else in the world is important except for you. But you should be the most important person in your life. You are an important being. So when you go about your life with this attitude it’s like you’re creating a sort of vacuum where positive energy (your positive life force) is constantly being sucked out of you but you’re not allowing it to be replaced. When someone does come to you and say “let me help you” the “selfless” attitude within causes you to say “no no no. I don’t need help. I don’t need love. I don’t deserve or want any of that goodness.” You’re rejecting the good from coming back into your life, which is making it harder for the Universe to do its job. The Universe doesn’t like that — it wants you to be filled up to the brim and beyond with good things. Fighting natural laws is selfish.
2. It Demands Recognition.
When you selflessly spread yourself thin by preoccupying yourself with the lives of others, in a way it is a cry for attention, love and recognition. You believe that if you do everything for everybody, one day the world will say “Man, that Sally is just so awesome!” Then when that doesn’t happen as you dreamed it would, and people just start to expect you to help them out all of the time, you become resentful and angry. Constantly putting yourself out on a limb because you want to be seen as a martyr is selfish.
3. You’re Ignoring Your Own Needs. When you’re selfless, you’re actually being the most selfish to YOURSELF. You have needs just like the next person. You matter just like the next person. So if you run yourself ragged every day helping everyone else and don’t even stop to nourish your own mind, body and soul you are doing a great disservice to yourself. You are the only person who you can really count on to take care of your needs. Ignoring your own needs is being selfish to yourself.
When you think about it from this perspective, clearly being selfish and selfless are negative behaviors. A happy, healthy and fulfilled person is open to helping others but not at the expense of her own sanity and well-being.
Do your daily behaviors fall under the category of being “selfless?”
If so, it may be time to re-evaluate. You are important and deserve attention to your needs as well. It’s time to give YOU the attention you need to set your world back into its proper balance.
Love Lynn
